Leonard: Oh, a little Red Dead Redemption, huh?
Sheldon: Yes.
Leonard: How come you're not doing a mission? You're just wandering around.
Sheldon: Had a rough night. I thought I'd go for a walk and clear my head.
Leonard: Some people go outside and do that.
Sheldon: It's after nine o'clock, at this hour the streets of Pasadena are teeming with drunken sailors and alley cats.

Leonard: Glad I could help.
Sheldon: It's appreciated. And if you ever manage to find a woman again, I'll be glad to return the favor.

Penny: Ooh, does she like bracelets?
Sheldon: Well, she's very fond of her silver one that says allergic to penicillin. Maybe they have a dressier version of that?

Howard: I'm still trying to wrap my mind around it. I always thought I'd be a dad someday.
Raj: Oh, me, too. You're so caring. I've often pictured you guiding a young boy into manhood.
Leonard: There you go, Howard. Sounds like Raj'll have your babies, problem solved.

Raj: What's your mom going to say if you call off the wedding?
Howard: Huh, it'll kill her. On the other hand, if I don't give her grandchildren, that'll kill her, too. So, either way, on the Mom front, I'm golden.

Sheldon: What time did you tell Amy to be here?
Penny: Eight o'clock. (Sheldon checks his pocket watch) Sheldon, that pocket watch is ridiculous.
Sheldon: Nonsense. I look like a train conductor.

Sheldon: Under what pretext did you lure her here?
Penny: I said, hey, want to come over and hang out?
Sheldon: Good, good, if you had said something clever, she might've gotten suspicious.

Bernadette: Do you think you'll sleep with him tonight?
Penny: Absolutely not. Look, we're just gonna have dinner and, you know, see how it goes.
Amy: If he were dying, would you sleep with him?
Penny: What?
Amy: Assuming he were dying of something that couldn't be sexually transmitted. You know, like a spear wound to the head.
Penny: Okay, he is not dying.
Amy: How do you know? Are you a doctor?

Bernadette: You can make-believe, though. Sometimes Howard and I pretend that his arrhythmia is acting up and I'm a sexy cardiologist. And the naughty part is I'm not in his HMO network.

Bernadette: Relax, you know Leonard's always been crazy about you. It's gonna be great.
Penny: I know, but we've finally gotten to a place where we can hang out without it being weird. And what if something goes wrong? Then what?
Amy: Guess it'll just be Sheldon and me going on a double date with Howard and Bernadette.
Bernadette: Sure, we'd love that. (To Penny) Change your clothes, we got a lot riding on this.

Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of Settlers of Catan is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now, I have sheep. I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?

Sheldon: The reason you're fixated on a good-natured simpleton like Penny is that she's the exact opposite of your first romantic attachment, your brilliant yet intimidating mother.
Leonard: Where on earth did you get that from?
Sheldon: It's in her book, "Needy Baby, Greedy Baby".
Leonard: That doesn't make it true.
Sheldon: It's called non-fiction for a reason, Leonard.

Raj: If they ever make a movie version of that book, you know who should play Leonard's mother? Sandra Bullock.
Howard: Why?
Raj: Because she's great in everything.

Leonard: So, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?
Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about awkward?
Leonard: Yeah, that sounds right.

Leonard: Hey, how about if we pretend we're actually on a first date? See how that goes.
Penny: Okay.
Leonard: So, Polly, tell me about yourself.
Penny: It's Penny.
Leonard: Oh, sorry, yeah. Awkward.