Sheldon: No, Leonard, go ahead and mock. Like my daddy always said, Shelly, women aren't anything but flippin pains in the bottom.
Leonard: That's what your father used to say?
Sheldon: Well, I took out the bad words and the yeehaw, but you get the gist.

Penny: You can't put a saddle on Leonard Hofstadter. Oh, my, is it getting hot in here? Ay, papi.
Leonard: Ay papi? What is that?
Penny: An acting choice.
Leonard: Oh. So you chose that when you become turned on, you turn into Speedy Gonzalez?
Penny: Choo got a problem with that, papi?

Sheldon: Hello, Penny. I just stopped by to bring you this gift.
Penny: Gummy bears? Thank you.
Sheldon: Now that you're in my debt, please manipulate Amy into releasing me from my commitment to attend her aunt's tedious birthday party.

Sheldon: All right. I thought the candy might not be enough so let me up the ante. These are Cooper Coupons. These are for various things I can do for you. Um, oh, this one is for one free grammar check. Uh, you could use it for emails, letters, tattoos, what have you. Um, oh, this is fun one. This is an afternoon with me at the California Science Center, where I point out their mistakes.
Leonard: Keep an eye on those expiration dates, I've been burned more than once.

Sheldon: Oh, come on. It's just a simple favor. Now, when's the last time I asked you to do something for me?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.
Sheldon: When is the last time I asked you to do something that wasn't a medical emergency?
Penny: Yesterday. You made me look in your ear to see if there was a ladybug in it.

Sheldon: All right, then, I have no choice but to go on to plan B.
Penny: What's that?
Sheldon: I'm going to run around outside with a wet head and try to catch a cold.

Amy: I think you're really going to enjoy yourself today. Not only do you get to meet my relatives, but since my aunt's nursing home is catering the party, all of the food is incredibly soft. It's like a vacation for your teeth.

Amy: You sure you're okay with this?
Sheldon: Yes. I decided to find a way that I could have this experience and enjoy it.
Amy: Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Sheldon: Oh, don't thank me. Thank wireless technology. I realized, I can go to your aunt's awful party and still spend the whole day gaming with my friends.
Amy: Sheldon, my relatives are going to want to talk to you, and youre going to be sitting there playing a game? Isn't that a little rude?
Sheldon: Oh, I got that covered. Headset. I won't hear a word the old geezers are saying.

Amy: You know, if playing that game is more important to you than honoring your commitment to me, and you don't mind me showing up at a party all by myself after I've already told everybody I'll be bringing somebody, then, fine. Go home and play your game.
Sheldon: Thanks. Ooh, listen, I wouldn't mind a piece of birthday cake, provided the old gal's candle blow is clean and dry.

Howard: Bernadette's going to be playing with us. So, that's pretty cool, huh? Right? Sure it is, yeah.
Raj: What, you invited your girlfriend? This is supposed to be our weekend.
Howard: I had no choice. Last night, she said, why don't we go out for brunch tomorrow and then maybe the Arboretum. And I said, well, no, I promised the guys I was going to play a video game with them all weekend. And she said, that sounds like fun, can I come, too? And then I didn't answer for a second, and then she said, well, do you not want me to come? And then I bought her a new laptop and the game, and she's parking the car right now.

Amy: I had to go to my aunt's party all by myself, and everybody was like, "Where's this boyfriend you're always talking about? Is he real, or did you make him up like Armin the miniature horse breeder?"
Penny: Who's Armin the miniature horse breeder?
Amy: The pretend boyfriend I invented to get my family off my back. It unraveled quickly when I couldn't answer the question how'd you two meet?
Penny: I would have thought at a miniature horse show.
Amy: Oh, that's good.
Penny: Mm.
Amy: I panicked and said Woodstock. I just wanted to show Sheldon off to my family.

Penny: You know, Amy, sometimes when you're in a relationship with someone you really care about, the sucky part is, it leaves you open to getting hurt.
Amy: Do you ever worry about Leonard doing that to you?
Penny: That's hilarious. No.

Bernadette: Get that guy! Get that guy! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
Sheldon: Dr. Rostenkowski, it may interest you to know that saying pew, pew, pew isn't as effective as pressing your blaster key. In the same way that saying whee doesn't make the land speeder go.
Bernadette: (aiming at Sheldon) Pew!

Leonard: Raj, Imperial Troopers on your tail.
Raj: Got him. When Gandhi advocated his philosophy of non-violence, I bet he didn't know how much fun it was killing stuff.

Leonard: All right, I think we got them all. Let's divide up the loot.
Bernadette: Ooh, look at this pretty purple robe I just got. You should put on yours and then we'll match.
Howard: But I worked hard to get this Armour.
Bernadette: Sorry, I just thought it'd be nice if people knew we were a couple.
Howard: Fine, I'll change.
Sheldon: (whip sound app) Ha-ha.