Amy: Penny said she's not sure she wants to be Leonard's girlfriend anymore.
Sheldon: Wrong. She just took a sip from his Diet Dr. Pepper.
Amy: So?
Sheldon: So, if she wants to end her pair-bond with Leonard, why on earth would she guzzle a witches' brew of his soda and spit?

Stuart: Raisinet?
Sheldon: Shh, we're trying to watch the movie. (To Amy) This is not working out with him.

Sheldon: *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard? *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard? *Knock, knock, knock* Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Are you sleeping?
Leonard: I was. Now I'm having a nightmare.

Sheldon: Oh, I was having a little trouble sleeping and I just thought, uh, seeing as you're up, we could talk.
Penny: Talk about what?
Sheldon: Oh, I don't know. Uh, weather. Uh, fish you could do carpentry with. Why Leonard is such an attractive and desirable boyfriend. Yeah, pick one. Your choice.
Penny: Sheldon.
Sheldon: Did you know that Leonard has a perfect driving record and enjoys the insurance discounts that go along with that? Hubba-hubba.
Penny: Okay, go home, crazy man.
Sheldon: Yeah. Did you know that while Leonard is not considered a tall fellow in our country, in today's North Korea, he's downright average. Hey, talk about a keeper.

Amy: (Puts Penny on hold, answers a new call) Hello?
Sheldon: Yeah, just a heads-up: Penny knows that you blabbed about Leonard. She's pretty mad.
Amy: I know. She's yelling at me right now.
Sheldon: All right then, so we're all on the same page.

Bernadette: Why don't you stand up to them?
Howard: What am I supposed to say?
Bernadette: I don't know. Say, being mean is lame, what's cool is being nice.

Howard: Great, I'll do that when I want to be the first guy in space to get a wedgie.
Bernadette: Do you want me to call somebody at NASA?
Howard: No. My mom already tried that. It only made things worse.

Raj: Focused Locust.
Stuart: Temple of Yip.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Wolowitz would never play that card.
Stuart: All right, Lesser Demon Turtle.
Sheldon: Fairy God Monster, I win. Your desperate need for friendship makes you weak.

Raj: So, what are you guys doing later? Stuart and I were thinking of going out for a drink.
Stuart: We're gonna try to meet some girls.
Raj: 'cause that's what we do.
Stuart: Watch out, ladies, a little coffee and cream coming your way.
Raj: In case you didn't follow that, I'm the coffee.

Sheldon: Do you remember how upset I was when they replaced Edward Norton as the Hulk?
Leonard: Yes, you walked around for a week saying, Sheldon unhappy with casting choice.
Sheldon: But, then Mark Ruffalo was the Hulk in The Avengers, and he was even better.
Leonard: What's your point?
Sheldon: Call me a romantic. I like to think that your Mark Ruffalo is still out there somewhere.

Penny: Look, it's fine. We're not getting married, okay? We're keeping things, you know, homeostasis.
Amy: It's so cute when she tries.

Howard: I really miss gravity. Can you drop something so I can watch it fall?
Bernadette: Really, you're serious? Okay.
Howard: Oh, baby, you're killing me.

Penny: You really think there's some kind of scientific discovery in here?
Sheldon: Well, this box only covers my work through nursery school. There's a good deal more to come. I didn't really hit my academic stride until I cut out that time-suck known as playing outdoors.

Alex: Look, Dr. Cooper. I really want this position. It would be an incredible honor to work for a man of your brilliance.
Sheldon: Flattery will not get you this job, Ms. Jensen.
Alex: It's not flattery if it's the truth.
Sheldon: Oh, well, thank you. Welcome aboard.

Alex: I'm Alex, Dr. Cooper's new assistant.
Leonard: Ah, congratulations and may God have mercy on your soul. I'm Leonard.