Sheldon: I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Howard: Okay, give me the flowers and pie.
Sheldon: But if we show up and you're holding them, she'll think they're only from you.
Howard: They are only from me. You said the gift of you was enough.
Sheldon: Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me with flowers and pie looks like there's no going back.

Amy: I think it might be fun to be someone else tonight.
Raj: Actually, you're all just going to be yourselves.
Amy: Oh, uck.

Stuart: How's it going?
Raj: Good. Sheldon's out of town so we can do whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
Stuart: How is it?
Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.

Penny: You really going to lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I was going to do at home?

Raj: Have you heard from Howard?
Bernadette: I did. His talk at NASA went great.
Penny: Sheldon didn't heckle him?
Bernadette: No. In fact, he was so well behaved Howard bought him a Buzz Aldrin bobblehead and astronaut ice cream.

Penny: Ooh, I'm going to check the fridge and see if there are any clues inside a beer.

Raj: You can't leave. You're a murder suspect in the mysterious death of Stuart Bloom.
Bernadette: I didn't know his last name was Bloom.
Amy: Yeah, it's Bloom.

Amy: Should you really be sitting in Sheldon's spot?
Raj: He's in Texas, he'll never know.
Penny: Wouldn't be so sure about that.
Leonard: Yeah, he has a very sensitive butt. Look, it's true. Once I saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it up.

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.

Raj: It's too late. He's been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic Koothrappali murder mystery dinner.
Amy: I'm leaving.

Penny: Got it. Hey, who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry. Hey, who's not the murderer?