Sheldon: I beg to differ. I used to live in those genitals. If someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Raj: It's too late. He's been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic Koothrappali murder mystery dinner.
Amy: I'm leaving.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Raj: You can't leave. You're a murder suspect in the mysterious death of Stuart Bloom.
Bernadette: I didn't know his last name was Bloom.
Amy: Yeah, it's Bloom.

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Sheldon: And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?

Howard: Okay, give me the flowers and pie.
Sheldon: But if we show up and you're holding them, she'll think they're only from you.
Howard: They are only from me. You said the gift of you was enough.
Sheldon: Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me with flowers and pie looks like there's no going back.

Sheldon: I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Penny: You really going to lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I was going to do at home?

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Sheldon: Well then why are you doing it?
Mary: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. And that man's booty is.

Amy: I think it might be fun to be someone else tonight.
Raj: Actually, you're all just going to be yourselves.
Amy: Oh, uck.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.