Sheldon: And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?

Stuart: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Raj: Fine, just try not to look too alive.
Stuart: That's my jam.

Amy: It actually was kinda fun.
Raj: You're just saying that.
Amy: Yeah.

Sheldon: Well then why are you doing it?
Mary: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. And that man's booty is.

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

Bernadette: You excited for Texas?
Sheldon: Oh, very much so.
Howard: It's not everyday you get to tour NASA with a real astronaut.
Sheldon: Ohh, who's the real astronaut?
Howard: ... Buzz Aldrin.
Sheldon: Oh, yay!

Sheldon: To this day I still get a monthly copy of "Granny on Granny". Which other than its surprisingly fun puzzle page is complete filth.

Sheldon: Oh, I'm fine. It's just some stomach medication for my trip. There's a remote yet distinct possibility that I may end up in South America.
Penny: Remember the old days when I would have said something dumb like "Why?"

Sheldon: Nine years, eleven months and three weeks ago, he followed that up replacing the slides for my lecture with photographs of nude fat women bending over.
Amy: Really?
Howard: The lecture was on cosmic gas clouds.
Raj: I was there. It was funny!

Howard: What now?
Sheldon: I have to go to the bathroom.
Howard: You just went to the bathroom.
Sheldon: But I didn't use it because it didn't seem safe. Despite all my emails, the toilet didn't have a seatbelt.
Howard: Well, it still doesn't.
Sheldon: I realize that but safety concerns went out the window two apple juices ago.

Raj: Emily, your face is like a precious Dew-kissed flower.
Amy: Wow.
Raj: I know. Powerful stuff, huh?
Amy: No. You're supposed to be yourself. Not all desperate and creepy.
Raj: Okay, I'm getting some mixed messages here.

Amy: Thanks for walking me to my car.
Raj: Actually it's for both of us. Last night I watched Westside Story and I'm a little freaked out by streetgangs.
Amy: Why can't Raj find a girl? The mystery continues.

Raj: Hello, Emily.
Emily: Hello.
Raj: Amy told me you were concerned that I might be too passive and shy. Let me ask you something: would a passive guy barge in here to look you in the eye and say "Hey, dew-kissed flower. What's up?".
Emily: No, but a weird guy with no boundaries might.
Raj: Okay, that's a separate issue. Let's put a pin that and just focus on the passive thing.