Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your mother approved of your life choices?
Leonard: Yes, it would.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yeah. Well, you should work on that.

Sheldon: [President Siebert said] that everybody has to do things they don't want to do. He then gave an example of something he had to do although he didn't want to. And that was look at my stupid face.
Leonard: That's a rude thing to say ... out loud.

Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
Leonard: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for me and you to talk more?
Leonard: You know, it's probably fine.

Leonard: So, listen. There was something I was hoping to float past you. Now that Penny and I are engaged, I thought we might want to talk about our living arrangements.
Sheldon: Of course. She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good. Because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg countless men would perish.

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why.
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what, that might be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. I fell off a few times.

Bernadette: She's just so impossible, they keep quitting.
Sheldon: So who's watching her now?
Howard: A bowl full of M&Ms with a few Ambien tossed in.

Leonard: We might want to live together.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I've already given this some thought. And I'm willing to let Penny live with us, one day a week for a trial period. Now, obviously not when she's made cranky by the shedding of her uterine lining.

Leonard: I'm your son. What about the fact that she's good enough for me?
Beverly Hofstadter: *blank shrug* Sure.

Sheldon: It's an outrage. Honestly, I am tempted to leave the university.
Howard: You know, if you're really serious about that I hear there are some exciting opportunities in home care for the old and fat.

Stuart: I was wondering if I could crash at your place for a few nights.
Raj: Sure, of course. Oh, actually Emily was going to spend the night.
Stuart: You slept with her? Nice.
Raj: I can't take all the credit. She let me do it to her.

Sheldon: And by the way, I saw you make this Strawberry Quik with syrup. You're supposed to use the powder.
Amy: It tastes the same.
Sheldon: No, the syrup tastes better and I don't like it.

Sheldon: I'm writing an appeal to the faculty senate so that I can move on from string theory.
Leonard: How's it going?
Sheldon: You tell me. "Dear esteemed colleagues. As you may know, I have requested to change my field of study. My decision to do so is, I believe, in the best interest of science. At your convenience, I'd be happy to explain it to you in words you'll understand."

Amy: It actually sounds like he's doing pretty well.
Penny: I really think this is going to be for the best.
Leonard: Me too. And he was able to take a sabbatical -
*Amy starts hitting Leonard with a pillow*
Amy: How could you let him go!?

Leonard: You know he can't take a trip like this by himself.
Penny: He's a grown man.
Leonard: No, he looks like a grown man. You've seen Freaky Friday, sometimes little kids end up in big person bodies.

Amy: Maybe you'll like living alone.
Sheldon: Perhaps.
Amy: And if you don't, maybe you and I could live together.
Sheldon: Oh, sure! While we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family, enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself woman?!