Sheldon: I just threw up on a whole lot of clowns.

Raj: Sheldon, I think you might find the support you're looking for if you realize relationships are a give and take. She can only be there for you as much as you are for her.
Amy: Thank you, Rajesh.
Raj: And Amy, you need to be patient with Sheldon and stop pressuring him into accepting intimacy on your terms.
Amy: You should probably go.

Sheldon: To really understand the story here, we need to start at the very beginning. A small town in East Texas where a young genuis named -
Leonard: - Sheldon!
Sheldon: Yes, that's right, Sheldon Cooper. He was bitten by his neighbor's dog, leading to his first scientific break through: the Doggy Death Ray. Which sadly he couldn't build because Santa wouldn't bring him enriched uranium.

Ira Flatow: You know, I'd really like to hear from Dr. Hofstadter if it's all right with you.
Sheldon: What a surprise. Did you invite me back just so you could ignore me.
Ira Flatow: Actually, I didn't invite you. You came in, you took a seat, and I'm not comfortable with confrontation.

Penny: You know if we did a shot every time they said something embarassing, this would be one hell of a drinking game.
Amy: Little early for alcohol, isn't it?
Sheldon: (On the radio) You know, I don't just say smart things about science, I also yodel. *Yodelling*
Amy: I'll get the vodka.

Penny: (To Raj's dog) Bark once if you need me to call PETA.

Sheldon: What's that animal doing in our apartment?
Leonard: She's in her crate, she can't get out.
Sheldon: I have two words for you: Jurassic Park.

Sheldon: This day just keeps on getting worse and worse.
Penny: You know, if it makes you feel any better ...
Sheldon: It probably won't.
Penny: You're probably right.

Sheldon: Thank you. Ira, if I may, I'd like to aplogize for my behavior last week. Now, isn't there something you'd like to say to me?
Ira Flatow: No.

Penny: It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into and then they break up with you. Then you want them more than ever.
Sheldon: I have no idea what she's talking about, but we're ganging up on you so I agree.

Bernadette: Aww, Raj did the dishes.
Howard: How do you know I didn't do them?
Bernadette: Because once when all the knives were dirty, you cut a bagel with your keys.

Barry Kripke: There he is! It's my favorite superhero, The Retractor.

Barry Kripke: Cooper, maybe physics just isn't your thing. Have you ever considered a career in retail? Then you could take things back for a living.

Sheldon: No, that's okay. I can fight my own battles. Isn't that right, Bawwy?
Barry Kripke: Is that a reference to my speech impediment? That's pretty hurtful. I can't control it.
Sheldon: You're right. That was uncalled for. I take it back.
Barry Kripke: Of course you do, because you're The Retractor!

Raj: There's also a time to stop eating so many jelly beans. And it's when you're ten!