Penny: How can you not be happy? You're tall, thin and famous. ... Oh my God, I'm jealous of Sheldon.

Sheldon: (About Bernadette) She's so tiny!

Penny: I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.

Zack: It's my fault. I was a terrible husband. I was never around.

Mike: I know I'm hard on you, but you're not the worst son-in-law in the world.
Howard: Mike, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Mike: Well, I'm drunk.

Penny: Look, Zack. Come on. You know neither of us thought this was real. I mean we were married by an Elvis impersonator.
Zack: Of course it was an impersonator. We could never afford a real Elvis.

Zack: Not cool, bro. I'm starting to think you're not the kind of guy I want dating my wife.

Leonard: Yeah, well, she's not going to be your wife for long.
Zack: (To Penny) Oh no, are you dying!?

Zack: You know what they say. Happy wife - Happy life. Let's eat!

Mike: I don't know what's scarier: the bathroom clowns or the woman that put them there?
Sheldon: All I know is you can only fit one of her in a car.
*Howard walks in*
Sheldon: And there's the clown that came out of her!

Sheldon: I would throw a quick slant to a wide out, given that the defense is showing blitz.
Howard: Oh, I love a good blitz especially with sour cream.
Howard: Get it? Because it sounds like blintz.
Mrs. Wolowitz Did someone say blintz?

Raj: My, my. The plot - like my gravy - thickens.

Amy: I can't believe Penny's married to Zack.
Raj: I wonder what she saw in that guy.
Bernadette: I don't know. He's sweet. He's tall. Handsome.
Amy: Broad shoulders. Good hair.
Raj: Hmm, I wonder what she sees in Leonard.

Zack: It's all right. I didn't have anything going on. Plus, Penny told me we're married, and Thanksgiving is a time to be with family.

Zack: I just think splitting up can be rough on kids.
Penny: We don't have any kids.
Zack: Are you sure? 'cause you didn't know we were married until this morning.