Sheldon: I assume this medical center's already treated the burns on your bottom from the recent pants fire.
Penny: Cause I'm a liar, liar?
Sheldon: That's for the Fire Marshall to determine.

Penny: I don't want five dollars, I want my dignity.
Amy: So, what are we talking, like ten bucks?

Penny: You guys are going out two nights in a row?
Sheldon: I missed a number of date nights while I was on my train trip, and I'm contractually obligated to make them up under the terms of the relationship agreement.
Penny: That's so hot.
Amy: It's better than hot, it's binding!

Sheldon: What kind of store in the 21st century doesn't at least have WiFi? I'm gonna call their corporate office.
Son of a biscuit!

Raj: So, what's up with you guys?
Howard: We're just saying all the things we love about each other.
Raj: Oh, like you and I did at couple's therapy?

Bernadette: I think if Raj wants to break up with a girl, he can do it.
Howard: How are you saying that with a straight face?
Bernadette: *laughs* I don't know.

Leonard: To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother. To all of us. We'll miss you.

Mary Cooper: I'm so glad that you and I were able to bury the hatchet.
Beverly Hofstadter: Me, too. And I respect your right to your beliefs.
Mary Cooper: And I will pray for you.

Bernadette: It's just furniture.
Howard: It's my mom's furniture. It belongs in the house I grew up in, next to that pile of TV Guides and in full view of what, for a ten-year-old, was a quality piece of string-art!

Amy: You applied for a mission to be a colonist on another planet and couldn't be bothered to tell me?
Sheldon: Would you have approved?
Amy: Of course not.
Sheldon: Well, based on your reaction, it looks like I made the right choice. Isn't that right, Giuseppe.

Bernadette: Okay, I don't know when I became the mother to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Raj: Hey, I don't even live here.
Bernadette: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Raj: I do. And some of it's wool, so dry flat if possible.

Howard: Now we get to see him flip out because he's worried that it was demolished by space ice.
Raj: Space ice is no joke. I can't even watch Frozen any more.

Bernadette: I love that you take pride in your looks. Even when I have to pee in the morning and you're in there spending an hour on your hair.
Howard: I love that you're too good to pee in the kitchen sink.

Amy: You got me something?
Sheldon: Oh. Not just something. It's from the heart, it's holiday-themed, and I swallowed the gift receipt so you can not return it.

Santa: All right, let me see if I've got this straight. A picture of you on my lap is a way to punish your girlfriend for making you celebrate Christmas?
Sheldon: Correct.
Santa: Santa thinks dating you might be punishment enough.
Sheldon: There's an argument for that, but I want to make sure.