Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?

Howard: Hey, I threw out the first pitch at an Angels game.
Josh: Wow.
Bernadette: He did it with a robot.
Josh: You had sex with a robot?
Howard: That's not what she meant.
Raj: But technically, yes.

Raj: What do you want to do?
Howard: I don't know. I... I'd just like him to go away. I can't deal with this.
Raj: All right, I've got your back.
Howard: Thank you. Come on. And I'd like to point out this wall just provided a lot of privacy!

Leonard: Hang on, if you're making all this money, where is it?
Penny: In a safe place.
Leonard: What does that mean, under your bed?
Penny: No, it means a diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds. I'm not overly conservative. I'm young, so my guy said I can afford to take some risks.
Leonard: Wait a minute, you have "a guy"?
Penny: Don't you have a guy?
Leonard: Why would I have a guy?! I don't have any money!

Wil Wheaton: For those of you listening at home. How great is this?

Leonard: Wil, I'm begging you. Please turn that off.
Wil Wheaton: Sure. *turns recording off* *turns recording on* And we're back.

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you should really get some money.

Sheldon: Well, wait. What if, just this once, we suspend the date night parameters and you stay later?
Amy: Well, as long as we're suspending the parameters. I could stay really late and we could have our first sleepover.
Sheldon: That's a big step.
Amy: It's a big fort.

Sheldon: Very well. I will agree to a family-friendly, G-rated, boy/girl sleepover.
Amy: PG. Some scenes may be too intense for younger viewers.
Sheldon: G-rated with a warning for families with babies and toddlers.
Amy: You got yourself a sleepover.

Amy: Oh, ten o'clock. Date night's over.
Sheldon: What? No. We haven't picked a winner.
Amy: We both know this one's gonna win.
Sheldon: Well, of course we do. Fort Knox doesn't have a secret physics lending library.

Sheldon: I just restocked the old PRK.
Penny: PRK?
Leonard: Public Restroom Kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee-pee in new and strange places.

Sheldon: There it is. It's just a gate. On a road.
Leonard: It wasn't even that hard to find.

Sheldon: This is so amazing!
Leonard: I know!

Howard: So it's settled. The fate of Doctor Who's TARDIS will be decided by a Game of Thrones-inspired death match on the battlefield of Thundercats versus Transformers.

Amy: Can I be in charge of pricing? I've been going to garage sales my whole life.
Can you believe I got these pantyhose for a nickel?
Howard: All right, Amy's in charge of pricing, and being seventy-five.

Bernadette: Come on, get in her head. Be intimidating.
Raj: Okay. I'm gonna own you bitch!
Penny: Whoa!
Bernadette: Hey!
Raj: Let's just play.