Penny: You know, your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship. Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.
Leonard: If you could run out and get a PhD, that might make her like you.
Penny: Really? It didn't work for you.

Penny: Now come on, we are gonna do this.
Leonard: Yeah. You get the paint, I'll rest for thirty to forty minutes, and then we do this.

Sheldon: I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal into my home.
Amy: No one told you to poke the turtle's face.
Sheldon: I was playing "Got your nose". That's how you get children to like you.

Howard: So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. What do we know?
Howard: In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.
Bernadette: Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?

Sheldon: This again. Amy, I've already had one new hole torn in my body today, I don't need another one.

Leonard: She's just a very sweet and God-fearing lady, and you have to be respectful of her beliefs.
Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, I am an adult. I know how to conduct myself around people from different walks of life.
Leonard: Thank you.
Beverly Hofstadter: Where is she from again?
Leonard: East Texas.
Beverly Hofstadter: Ugh.

Amy: Oh, ten o'clock. Date night's over.
Sheldon: What? No. We haven't picked a winner.
Amy: We both know this one's gonna win.
Sheldon: Well, of course we do. Fort Knox doesn't have a secret physics lending library.

Penny: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Sheldon: So it would be today? Huh. Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
Penny: Today's your birthday?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Well that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
Sheldon: Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas Director's Cut.

Amy: I guess we'll have to make a new video together as a couple.
Sheldon: Good idea. And as you've had such a rough day, I'm gonna let you throw the pie in Leonard's face.

Amy: What I want is for us to be planning our future together.
Sheldon: And in that future, are we on the same planet? Because I've seen people make the long distance thing work.
Amy: We're on the same planet!

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?

Raj: What do you want to do?
Howard: I don't know. I... I'd just like him to go away. I can't deal with this.
Raj: All right, I've got your back.
Howard: Thank you. Come on. And I'd like to point out this wall just provided a lot of privacy!

Emily: There's one downtown where they trap you in a room with a zombie.
Raj: Oh, so kinda like what's happening with Penny right now.

Raj: Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?
Leonard: I can honestly say Penny.
Amy: Aww, then I choose a janitor, because I'm about to throw up.

Leonard: I got you something for Valentine's Day and I was too embarrassed to give it to you.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: Because I got it at the dirty store.
Penny: You went to the dirty store without me?
Leonard: In sun glasses and a hat after I parked two blocks away.