Bernadette: What should we do?
Howard: I'll tell you exactly what we're gonna do. We're gonna eat it.
Bernadette: There's like twenty-pounds of food in there.
Howard: All you said was, I had to get rid of things. You didn't say they couldn't pass through my colon first.

Howard: It's all defrosting.
Bernadette: It's okay, it's just food.
Howard: It's not just food. This is the last food my mother ever made. This is her last brisket. This is her last meatloaf. This is her last - I have no idea what this is. But, it's the last one.

Howard: A lot of ma's stuff brings back fond memories.
Bernadette: Is that why you couldn't get rid of her drawer full of ketchup packets?
Howard: Yes. It reminds me of us eating out, and her saying "Quick, no one's looking, fill your pockets with ketchup."

Raj: I know what it's like having to go through a loved one's possesions. My uncle was a worshipper of Krishna. But after he died, you know what we found? A statue of Shiva.
It might not be Crips & Bloods, but in India it's a thing.

Leonard: New salon topic: What's more important-- an idea or its execution?
Bernadette: Oh, that's fun.
Sheldon: Good for you, Leonard. That's a lovely little notion. Kind of like "I wish I could talk to my uncle in Chicago." Yeah, and I'll stand back while I invent the telephone. *holds invisible telephone to ear* Hello? Oh, hold on. Leonard, it's your uncle. He says you just got burned.

Raj: I don't know, guys. Maybe this relationship isn't for me. Maybe I should break up with her.
Howard: Right. You're gonna break up with a girl who has sex with you. Can you believe this guy?

Penny: If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone?
Sheldon: So it would be today? Huh. Well, I suppose there's something satisfying about dying on my birthday.
Penny: Today's your birthday?
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Well that's always been a secret. Not even Amy knows.
Sheldon: Well, I don't enjoy presents. And the thought of people jumping out and yelling surprise fills me with more dread than the words "George Lucas Director's Cut.

Amy: Oh, ten o'clock. Date night's over.
Sheldon: What? No. We haven't picked a winner.
Amy: We both know this one's gonna win.
Sheldon: Well, of course we do. Fort Knox doesn't have a secret physics lending library.

Leonard: She's just a very sweet and God-fearing lady, and you have to be respectful of her beliefs.
Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, I am an adult. I know how to conduct myself around people from different walks of life.
Leonard: Thank you.
Beverly Hofstadter: Where is she from again?
Leonard: East Texas.
Beverly Hofstadter: Ugh.

Sheldon: This again. Amy, I've already had one new hole torn in my body today, I don't need another one.

Howard: So I have a dominant personality. We all know that.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. What do we know?
Howard: In social groupings, I just naturally wind up in charge.
Bernadette: Don't take this the wrong way, but how many of these little booze balls have you had?

Sheldon: I can't believe you almost had me bring a wild animal into my home.
Amy: No one told you to poke the turtle's face.
Sheldon: I was playing "Got your nose". That's how you get children to like you.

Penny: Now come on, we are gonna do this.
Leonard: Yeah. You get the paint, I'll rest for thirty to forty minutes, and then we do this.

Penny: You know, your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship. Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.
Leonard: If you could run out and get a PhD, that might make her like you.
Penny: Really? It didn't work for you.

Raj: Oh no, oh no, oh God, no.
Howard: You know what? You sound busy. I'm going to let you go.