Leonard: I know he can be a lot of trouble, but when I see him laying here asleep like this, I just think, how easy it would be to hold a pillow over his face.

Sheldon: My name is right on there with yours. That is a sure fire mark of quality. That might as well say "Directed by Joss Whedon".

Bernadette: Search for it.
Penny: What? No. Why?
Bernadette: Because it would be fun to watch.
Penny: It would be humiliating.
Bernadette: Well now we have two reasons.

Leonard: Sheldon, this is super-fluid helium. Put this in your mouth, your tongue will freeze and fall off.
Sheldon: Does it smell like blueberries?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then we're probably okay.

Howard: How are you today, Mr. Can You Believe These Jackasses?
Raj: Just dandy, Mr. I Wish I Was Better At Improv.

Penny: Well, I've been poking around the internet and I think I've found something we'll enjoy watching even more.
Amy: What is it?
Penny: Oh, just a video of Bernadette in a beauty pageant.
Bernadette: Okay, I learned my lesson. Making fun of people is wrong.
Amy: I haven't learned my lesson, play it. Play it.

Penny: "With a heavy heart, Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine. She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.

Penny: Just think about something else.
Sheldon: Can I think about the spiny anteater?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: The spiny anteater never went behind my back and worked with Barry Kripke.
That didn't help at all.

Bernadette: You helped him?
Raj: No, Stuart picked out those throw pillows all on his own.

Penny: Whenever I'd see her, she'd say I was too skinny and would try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don't take this away from me.

Sheldon: Oh, that's nonsense. I proclaimed my love for you. And the last time I looked in your eyes was when you thought you had conjunctivitis.
Amy: Other than the fact I had it, that was a magical night.

Sheldon: We're scientists, we can conduct our own research. I propose that we imprison two street people-
Amy: No.
Sheldon: You didn't even let me finish.
Amy: Forget it.
Sheldon: Oh, so you can experiment on all the apes you want, but I want to manipulate the emotions of two captive human beings, suddenly I'm the monster.

Raj: I don't believe in tempting fate. Same reason I wouldn't use a ouiji board or pick a fight with an Asian guy. Probably doesn't know karate, but why risk it?

Sheldon: As a Texas gentleman, I'm inclined to say ladies first. Although, I'm concerned that level of politeness and charm may make you fall in love with me before the test even begins.

Sheldon: As much as I'd love to meet Euclid, inventor of the geometric proof, he probably wore sandals and I can not look at toes during dinner.