Mary Cooper: You must be very proud of your son.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, yes. He recently argued a case before the Supreme Court.
Mary Cooper: He did?
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, you mean this son. Uh, sure, he's terrific.

Beverly Hofstadter: Mary, I'm curious. When did you first realize that your son had such a remarkable mind?
Sheldon: Ooh, good question. Everyone loves stories about Sheldon Cooper, boy genius.

Bernadette: Guys. In the time you've been sitting here playing video games, I got the car washed, picked up cleaning supplies and went to the bank.
Stuart: I put on pants.
Howard: Kiss-ass.

Mary Cooper: Shelly does not like change.
Sheldon: True. But all the clenching in the world will not keep testicles in your abdomen.

Penny: We're not in a rush. We'll set a date when the time is right.
Mary Cooper: It doesn't matter, sweetie. The moment a man lays with a woman, they are married in the eyes of the Lord.
Beverly Hofstadter: Ugh.

Stuart: Bernadette's not wrong. She does work hard around here.
Raj: Yeah, maybe it's a good thing if she stops babying you so much.
Howard: She doesn't baby me.
Stuart: I saw her pull you home in a wagon.
Howard: For your information, I twisted my ankle chasing the ice cream truck.

Beverly Hofstadter: I'm terribly sorry that I upset your mother.
Sheldon: Oh, it's all right. She'll forgive you. She has to or she goes to hell.

Beverly Hofstadter: Come to Mommy.
Penny: It's okay. Go ahead. *Leonard hugs Beverly*
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, my son.
Leonard: Oh, my mother.
Penny: Oh, my God.

Beverly Hofstadter: Fascinating. How can someone as enlightened as Sheldon come from someone like you?

Sheldon: It's not my fault your mother likes me better than she does you.
Leonard: Oh, don't flatter yourself. She likes everybody better than she likes me.

Sheldon: But still, you need to consider how successful Leonard's brother and sister are.
Beverly Hofstadter: I suppose.
Sheldon: While my brother and sister are mouth-breathing idiots.

Beverly Hofstadter: Do you suppose you would have flourished more in a more reward-based environment?
Sheldon: Perhaps. But my mom made me spaghetti with chopped up hot dogs whenever I wanted, so who cares.

Penny: Yeah, and you certainly don't have to earn my love.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: Of course you already knew that when you bought me this princess-cut drill bit.

Beverly Hofstadter: There's something I need to say to you.
Leonard: Oh really? That's too bad.
Beverly Hofstadter: Leonard, I always made you earn my affection. But today I realized that there's more than one way to raise a child.
Sheldon: I taught her that!
Beverly Hofstadter: Therefore, I would like to initiate a new protocol wherein I shower you with unconditional love.
Leonard: Wow. When does that start?
Beverly Hofstadter: So needy.

Raj: You're one to talk. You've been complaining about Stuart living here for the past year. I don't see you showing him the door.
Howard: That's not the same thing. Emily's a person. Stuart's more like an infestation, something you spray for.