Amy: So, no one else knows about this?
Sheldon: Only you.
Amy: Thank you for trusting me.
Sheldon: What good is having a girlfriend if you can't unload your psychological sewage on her?
Amy: That's me, your emotional outhouse.

Penny: Well, what are you gonna do?
Amy: I don't know. I guess I assumed that I would eventually date other people, but this is happening so fast.
Bernadette: What can it hurt?
Amy: Well, I was hoping the next person I dated would be a little less like Sheldon.
Bernadette: You mean, not a scientist?
Penny: I think she means not a weirdo.

Amy: Well, it sounds like a nice night. We should go.
Sheldon: Wine again? Yeah, no, thank you. I like my grapes the old-fashioned way, in a juice box.

Sheldon: Oh, there's a woman. I'll make her my girlfriend.
Raj: Whoa, whoa. Walking up to a strange woman in a bar usually doesn't work.
Sheldon: You're forgetting something. Ladies love jocks.
Raj: How many sips of that beer did he have?
Leonard: Three.
Howard: Oh, boy.

Howard: Hey, where you been?
Bernadette: Uh, Raj took me to the baby doctor and then we swung by the grocery store.
Howard: Did you get graham crackers? I mean, are - uh, is the baby okay?

Howard: I didn't know you needed help running errands today.
Bernadette: I didn't, but Raj volunteered.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: Yeah, ever since you told him I was pregnant, he's really been making a fuss over me.
Howard: Oh. Well, I guess that's kind of sweet.
Raj: Bernie, I just forwarded you a list of the top five lactation consultants in Los Angeles. I know my favourite, but I'd love to hear what you think.
Howard: And it just got weird.

Penny: Okay, don't be offended, but what went wrong with you?
Stuart: I guess I assumed at this point in my life, I would be married or in a relationship, or even have a pet that didn't run away or kill itself.
Bernadette: That really happened?
Stuart: I mean, I can't say for sure, but I swear that rabbit looked me right in the eye before it hopped in front of that car.

Leonard: Listen, I should warn you that maybe asking Amy out isn't a good idea.
Sheldon: Barry, a word?
Leonard: And now the crazy version of what I just said.
Sheldon: If you intend to pursue Amy, you leave me with no choice but to put a stop to it.
Barry Kripke: And how are you gonna do that?
Sheldon: By challenging you to a duel.
Barry Kripke: You've had one lesson. I'll destroy you.
Sheldon: That is why the duel will take place at high noon, three years from today. If you're worth your salt as an instructor, I should be ready by then.
Yeah, and be warned. I'm going to touch you all over.
Leonard: Wow, that was crazier than I thought.

Raj: Hey, remember The Ark of the Covenant?
Howard: Yeah?
Raj: That's how much we're gonna melt people's faces off.

Leonard: Look at all these activities the university has. Rock climbing club, archery, flag football.
Sheldon: Had me at flag, lost me at football.

Howard: I'm not sure if I'm hoping for a boy or a girl. I mean, if it's a boy, I'm gonna have to teach him to play catch. Which means I'm gonna have to Google how to play catch.

Barry Kripke: Well, sorry to disappoint you, but fencing is a serious sport. If you're not willing to put in the effort, you might as well just leave now.
Sheldon: We're not afraid of physical activity.
Howard: Yeah, I already ran 18 miles today.

Bernadette: (Hearing their baby's heartbeat) Wait, that's it.
Raj: Wow.
Bernadette: Isn't that the best?
Raj: You guys made a person.
Howard: We did.
Raj: And I like to think I helped.
Howard: You didn't.

Penny: All right, well, let me know if you guys want to go.
Raj: I would love to. I do enjoy the complexity of an aged Pinot noir.
Leonard: I'm sure that would pair nicely with your fried nuggets of chicken.

Sheldon: Well, the Swedes might beat us, but at least we won't get gang-noogied in prison.
Leonard: Is Ernest Goes to Jail the only prison movie you've seen?
Sheldon: It scared me straight, Leonard.