Penny: What about your weird relationship with him?
Leonard: That's different. I'm like the little girl in Poltergeist and he's the creepy thing in the TV.

Penny: Hang on. Wait, you actually think it's 2003?
Sheldon: No, just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are, so please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.

Penny: Are you doing okay?
Leonard: I guess. I'm just, you know, worried about Sheldon.
Penny: Well, come on, he's a grown man in his 30s pretending to be a grown man in his 20s. He's fine.

Penny: What else can you do? Move back in with him?
Leonard: No, of course not. I just feel bad.
Penny: Well, so do I, but don't you want to live with your wife and set the thermostat to whatever you want? And have your body tell you when it's time to go to the bathroom? You know, not a schedule slipped underneath your door every morning?
Leonard: I did like that he had the weather on it.

Penny: Trust me, this is the right thing.
Leonard: I know. And it's not like we're abandoning him.
Plus, we can FaceTime him whenever we want, you know, once iPhones are invented in his universe.

Bernadette: Hey, if you're open to living with someone great, I'll give you $1,000 to take Stuart.
Amy: You really should've gone on the Internet and checked how long that kind of thing lives before you got one.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. I just thought you might have a pasty, weirdo-shaped hole in your life.

Raj: All right, it's almost game time. Get it? Game of Thrones, game time?
Stuart: Two women, huh?

Raj: "Thor and Dr. Jones. Thor and Dr. Jones. One runs from Loki, the other runs from stones."
So, what do you think?
Emily: Wow.
Raj: Runs from stones means that-that big boulder, but I couldn't rhyme anything with boulder.
Emily: Colder, shoulder, soldier, folder.
Raj: Right, yeah, right.

Bernadette: You all right?
Howard: I'm fine. Just a little embarrassed I had to be carried down the stairs like a baby. (To Penny) Thanks.

Raj: I'm telling you, dude, the song has no groove. You can't dance to it.
Howard: Who cares? I thought the whole point of Footprints on the Moon was to write songs that make people think.
Raj: You can do both, like Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean". While you're dancing you're thinking, like, "Darn it, whose baby is it?"

Sheldon: In general, would you say that you smell better, worse or the same as you do right now?

Stuart: I was told this is where to go if I'm mad at Howard.
Penny: May I take your cloak?
Stuart: Thanks. This thing kept getting caught in the chain of my bike.

Howard: There you go again.
Raj: I'm sorry, have I been complaining about it too much?
Howard: Actually, what you're doing is pretending to complain, but really trying to brag.
Raj: How could you say that?
Howard: (imitating Raj) Oh, I wish could enjoy a cup of tea without a naked girl bouncing up and down on me.
Raj: I never said that.
Howard: (imitating Raj) Don't you hate it when you can't remember whose bra it is you found wedged in your couch?
Raj: Okay, that I said. But that's a real problem. You give a girl another woman's bra, and you will not be having sex with her that night. Maybe the other girl, but not her.

Sheldon: Just give me one minute, and I'll get started on a new Roommate Agreement.
Yeah, nothing from Pratt. We're good.

Penny: Okay, don't be offended, but what went wrong with you?
Stuart: I guess I assumed at this point in my life, I would be married or in a relationship, or even have a pet that didn't run away or kill itself.
Bernadette: That really happened?
Stuart: I mean, I can't say for sure, but I swear that rabbit looked me right in the eye before it hopped in front of that car.