Professor Proton: And can I get out of this mumu now?
Sheldon: Those are the robes of the Jedi, the guardians of peace and justice in the galaxy.
Professor Proton: And they don't wear underwear.

Stuart: Fine, take Wil. See if he brings you clam chowder.

Howard: Bernie and I are getting the house ready for the remodel. We could always use an extra pair of hands.
Sheldon: That sounds awful. Raj?
Raj: Uh, I've got time booked in the telescope room all weekend scanning for rogue planets. You're more than welcome to join me.
Sheldon: That's the one to beat, Leonard.
Leonard: Oh, if anything, I'm trying to get my Sheld-off.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Raj: Uh, making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Hmm. What are you doing now?
Raj: Still making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced.
Sheldon: Oh, I see. How about now?
Raj: Now I'm making sure the telescope's camera is white-field balanced and wishing you had a coloring book.

Raj: Fine, you want something to do? There's about six months of data on this hard drive.
Why don't you go through it and see if you can spot any patterns or anomalies.
Sheldon: Yep, I'm on it. Hey, look at that! An Indian guy outsourcing a computer job to a white fella.

Bernadette: Oh, look. The teddy bear Stuart won the night we took him to the fair.
Howard: Oh, he was so excited.
Bernadette: Yeah. You know, no matter how hard they tried, they could not guess his age.

Leonard: What are you thinking of naming it?
Sheldon: I haven't settled on anything yet.
Raj: We haven't settled on anything yet.
Sheldon: All right, way to go, Cat Poster. You hang in there.

Penny: You know, if anything, he's turning me into his mother. Before I did pharmaceutical sales, I was an actress. You know, I was pretty good. You know, girl-next-door type, but hot. Doable.
Dr. Gallo: Hmm.
Penny: And not only am I Leonard's mother, but we have this man-child living with us named Sheldon.
Dr. Gallo: Oh, Leonard talked a lot about him. I wasn't sure if he was real.
Penny: Yeah, he's as real as the fine I get when I use too much toilet paper.

Sheldon: Penny, rub Vicks on my chest.
Penny: Sheldon, I cooked you breakfast. I made your bed. I checked your mouth for thrush. You can rub your own chest.
Sheldon: Oh, sure, grope every other male on the planet, but draw the line with me.

Howard: We should all take a trip or something.
Leonard: You know, Penny and I have been talking about taking a weekend in Vegas. Maybe we should all go.
Howard: Bernie would love that.
Raj: Ooh! Ooh! Maybe we could get one of those party buses to take us there.
Leonard: That sounds really fun.
Raj: Yeah, that sounds fun. A party-bus party don't stop. Ooh! When I say "party" you say "bus."
Leonard: No.
Howard: No.
Leonard: No.
Howard: No!

Leonard: So, the guys and I were talking about renting a party bus and everyone going to Vegas.
Penny: Oh, that could be fun. But just to be clear, you mean a party bus with booze and music, right, not, like, juice boxes and video games?
Leonard: Yes. And Howard's birthday was a drop-off party. You didn't have to stay.

Leonard: That's fine, 'cause actually you're not invited.
Sheldon: Well, now well, that's hurtful.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, you don't even like it there.
Sheldon: I can consider a place America's urinal cake and still enjoy the occasional visit.

Amy: Hi, Sheldon. What's new?
Sheldon: Our friends are jerks, and I'm mad at all of them.
Amy: I said, "What's new?" but sure.

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Sheldon: Oh, Meemaw got a new set of teeth. Oh, but then she found her old ones. Oh, so now the new ones are just gonna be her church teeth.
Leonard: Fun. Like your Comic-Con Spock ears and your around the house Spock ears.