Raj: Did you know, at the United Nations, there's a Department for Outer Space Affairs? Howard: Really? Why?
Raj: They exist in case we ever make contact with an alien civilization.
Howard: Mmm, boy, that's one of those jobs that's boring, boring, boring. Then, "Oh, God! Where's the memo with what we do now?!"

Penny: So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.
Penny: I told you if we were patient, he'd figure it out for himself.

Sheldon: Oh, I was always afraid this day would come. This might be the first step of my descent into madness, where I gradually test the limits of public nudity.
Penny: Public nudity?
Leonard: Eh, that just means going barefoot.

Amy: Hi, Dave. Uh, it's Amy.
Dave: Oh. How are you?
Amy: I'm fine. How are you?
Dave: Terrific. And pleasantly surprised to hear from you, given how I acted on our last date.
Amy: Yeah, well, we both made mistakes, you know. I took the last breadstick, you gushed over my ex-boyfriend like he was Leonard Nimoy and you were my ex-boyfriend.

Dave: Let me just check my schedule, he said, trying to seem like a man with things on his schedule.
Amy: How about Saturday?
Dave: Uh, hmm Let me see. Uh, Friday, farmers' market with Jay Z. Sunday, piano shopping with Elton John. Saturday works.

Leonard: Is this what we're doing the rest of the night?
Sheldon: I'm surprised you have to ask.

Sheldon: Hello, yes, I was hoping you could help me. What song is this? (Hums a tune(
You don't know? Well, how dare you call yourselves a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. My goodness. Do you sing along to the greatest hits of Elvis Presley with that mouth?

Sheldon: Well, they were no help at all.
Leonard: Which is crazy, since rock and roll is all about good customer service.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper's descent into madness day two. It's 2:25 a.m. and I feel the urge to urinate. My normal urination time is 7:10 a.m., but here I am, in the middle of the night, struggling to keep my mind sharp and my pajamas dry. It's only a matter of time before my tenuous grasp on reality fades. I suppose I should pee while I still know what a toilet is.

Leonard: Since when do you hum songs?
Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Leonard: You were just humming.
Sheldon: Are you sure? Sometimes when my brain really gets moving, it makes noise.
Leonard: How does your brain feel about calculating the surface tension of the domain walls?
Sheldon: Let's see. (starts humming) Hey! I was humming. One point for Hufflepuff.

Amy: Um listen, I really enjoyed spending this morning with you.
Sheldon: Well, I can't take all the credit. It was pretty funny when that one anchovy started going the wrong way.

Sheldon: Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them. I think I need to just be your friend.

Sheldon: Oh, I watched a video of the hagfish producing mucus, so I'm gonna change my answer and eat SpongeBob.

Sheldon: You know, for a Thanksgiving buffet in an aquarium cafeteria, that was really bad.
Amy: You're just upset 'cause they ran out of Pilgrim hats.
Sheldon: They gave one to that baby. He wasn't even awake.
Amy: Well, it wouldn't be a holiday without you being mad at a baby.

Sheldon: Would you care to play an ocean-themed game I invented?
Amy: Sure. What is it?
Sheldon: It's called Food, Friend, Fight. One of us chooses three aquatic creatures, and the other one must decide which he would eat, befriend, or battle.
Amy: So it's like Kiss, Marry, Kill.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: It's a game where you're given three people and you choose which one you'd kiss, marry, or kill.
Sheldon: Well, my game is better, 'cause instead of marrying someone, you get to eat them.