Stuart: Uh, well, I know the remodel is coming up, so I thought I'd make it easy on you guys and find my own place.
Howard: Wow, I thought I was done getting lucky tonight.

Sheldon: And to memorialize this occasion, here are your commemorative T-shirts.
Howard: "Sheldon Cooper apologized to me."
Bernadette: "And he made it all better."

Raj: Fine, how about this? You're making me uncomfortable by prolonging this ridiculous fight, and I wish you'd stop.
Emily: Oh, you want me to stop? No problem.
Raj: No, come on, please don't leave!
Sheldon: Point of clarification, are you still going on the trip? Because if not-
Emily: Don't worry, you're good.

Sheldon: I caused that fight, I feel terrible. Wait, I can do that better.
I caused that fight. I feel terrible!
Yeah, wow, I don't know which one I like more.

Penny: So, was the fight really bad?
Sheldon: No. As a fight, it was excellent. She used harsh language and slammed the door. Although as I say this, that might not have been what you were asking.

Raj: What is wrong with you?
Sheldon: Look at him, caring about what's wrong with me. That is some top-shelf empathy. Hey, well, we should start a club.
Raj: You went to Emily's to apologize. And when you left, she was crying.
Sheldon: That is true. Well, I suppose I should apologize again.
*Everybody shouts No!*
Penny: Is she okay?
Raj: Yeah, I calmed her down. But she's not going to Vegas if he's going.
Howard: Wait, that's an option? I didn't know that was an option.
Sheldon: Well, that is fine, because I've decided that I won't be joining you. I've realized that the most genuine way to demonstrate the remorse I feel is to let you have this weekend to yourselves.
Raj: That's very mature of you.
Sheldon: Well, I've been on a little trip myself recently. Not to Sin City but to Sincere City. Where instead of genital warts, the only growth you'll come back with is personal growth.
Penny: And there's your next T-shirt.

Leonard: What do we do? Kick them off?
Penny: If we drop them off at a fire station, they have to take them; no questions asked.

Amy: Look, I know you think I'm not right for Sheldon, but trust me, I'm his best shot. You have no idea how much I put up with!
Meemaw: I know more than you think I do.
Amy: Really? You know what it's like to have date night ruined because Google changed their font?

Amy: Well, if you understand, then why are you giving me such a hard time?
Meemaw: Because when you broke up with Sheldon, it hurt him deeply, and I don't want to see that happen again.

Sheldon: Raj?
Raj: Spending Valentine's Day with Emily.
Leonard: You don't sound very excited about it.
Raj: Oh, I am, I am. I g... I guess I'm still wondering if Emily and I are right for each other.
Howard: Does this have to do with that girl you had coffee with?
Raj: You mean the strong, sexy angel I can't stop thinking about? Who can say?

Penny: So, you really gonna break up with her?
Raj: Yeah, I think so. Do you have any advice?
Penny: Well, I have broken up with my fair share of guys. I mean, how many times did I break up with Leonard?
Leonard: I stopped counting at four.

Amy: Okay, and we are live in 22 minutes.
Sheldon: I'm nervous. I hope people will be around to watch even though it's Valentine's Day.
Amy: People who are fans of an Internet show about flags? Trust me, they're around.

Leonard: Uh, bad news. The matre D' said it's gonna be at least an hour.
Penny: An hour? What? That's crazy. We have a reservation.
Leonard: I know.
Penny: So what did you say?
Leonard: "Thanks, sorry to bother you." But I said it like a badass.
Penny: All right, well, can't you, like, slip him some money or something?
Leonard: Really? I've never done that before. Does it work?
Penny: Do people like money - is that what you're asking?
Leonard: A lot of attitude from the woman who thought MC squared was a rapper.
Penny: Now, is that a smart thing to say on a holiday that's basically national sex night?
Leonard: I'm sorry. You're pretty, I'm stupid.

Sheldon: You guys, the bathroom here is amazing. There's people cooking in it.

Howard: I'd like to dedicate my last song of the evening to my wife, best friend, and now the mother of our child. I love you, Bernie.
"Havin' my baby / What a lovely way of sayin' / How much you love me / Havin' my baby / What a lovely way of sayin' / What you're thinkin' of me"