Penny: Well, we're your best friends. Give us one more detail and we promise we'll leave you alone.
Amy: Fine. Umm ... he's British.
(Penny and Bernadette squeal)
Amy: All right, that is a juicy one.

Amy: I'm gonna go look for other shoes.
Penny: Good luck. I threw out all my tall ones when I married Leonard.

Bernadette: Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?
Penny: We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.
Bernadette: I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.
Penny: Damn, you're sneaky.
Bernadette: Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.

Sheldon: Are you sure? I've heard that on those sites, often when you think you're corresponding with someone, it's actually a computer program pretending to be a real person.
Raj: And you're afraid it'll do a better job than you?
Sheldon: Excuse me. No one does a better job pretending to be a person than I do. Siri comes close, but I know more jokes.

Howard: If you don't want to use dating Web sites, what do you suggest?
Sheldon: Off the top of my head? Prospective women weed themselves out in a battle of wits until only one champion remains, she shows up at my door flush with the thrill of victory, and then sits quietly by my side while I watch Daredevil.
Howard: You seriously think women would fight for you?
Sheldon: People compete for jobs and trophies, why not me?
Howard: He's right. He knows a lot of jokes.

Raj: But it is basic human nature. If we present him as a prize, maybe they would.
Howard: Well, he's smart, he's a respected scientist-
Sheldon: And I have the soulful eyes of a cow.
Raj: I don't know if I'd say you - Oh.

Howard: Well, this is actually an interesting social experiment.
Raj: I'm a little jealous of the people who get to do it.
Howard: Me, too. And we've seen the prize.

Leonard: I don't understand why we're leaving so early for the movie.
Penny: Oh, I forgot to tell you, we're gonna meet up with Bernadette to spy on Amy and her date.
Leonard: What? I don't want to do that.
Penny: What, and you think I want to see a documentary about aluminum can recycling?
Leonard: This is the movie Big Soda doesn't want you to see.
Penny: No, it's the movie your wife doesn't want you to see.

Leonard: So you're actually okay with invading your friend's privacy?
Penny: You're not curious who she's out with?
Leonard: Not really.
Penny: But you're curious about aluminum cans. You're a weird little guy.

Sheldon: Right now, somewhere, a woman is dividing the atomic weight of the best noble gas by the number of colors in the oldest national flag still in use-
Howard: Then using that number as the average speed to calculate the travel time from Mordor to the Shire.
Sheldon: And taking her first step towards a lifetime of laughter, love and, best of all, rules.

Amy: If you don't mind me asking, why did you and your wife split up?
Dave: Oh, you know how it is. We wanted different things. I wanted children, and she wanted a pastry chef named Jean-Philippe.

Amy: Oh, I'm so sorry.
Dave: No, it's fine. It's why I left England. It reminded me too much of her.
Cold, gloomy and easily accessed by a Frenchman through a tunnel.

Penny: Oh, damn it, we should have brought binoculars.
Bernadette: Right here.
Leonard: We just happen to have those in the car?
Bernadette: Kinda. Before I met Howie, I liked to keep close tabs on my boyfriends.
Leonard: By stalking them?
Bernadette: No. Stalkers are creepy. I'm just a harmless little girl with military-grade spy equipment.

Leonard: Can I see?
Penny: What, now you're interested? You didn't even want to come.
Leonard: I know, but you guys make being a crappy friend look fun.

Leonard: It looks like they're having a nice time. I wish I could hear what they're saying.
Bernadette: Yeah, I should've brought my parabolic microphone.
Penny: Your what?
Bernadette: Nothing. Not important.