Penny: Aw. When he says things like that, I just want to hug him and make everything better.
Leonard: My brother was mean to me, too. Yeah, you probably had it coming.

Penny: Look at that. I'm in a movie, my shirt stayed on.

Leonard: When did we get a wall safe?
Sheldon: When there was no more room in the floor safe.
Leonard: When did we get a floor safe?
Sheldon: When we got the security camera.
Leonard: There's a security camera?
Sheldon: Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
Penny: Oh, my God. We've done things on that couch.
Sheldon: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Bernadette: Hey, Raj. Dad and I were just talking about taking down this wall.
Raj: You sure? It's a pretty great wall.
Mike Rostenkowski: What's so great about it?
Raj: (To Howard) I'm sorry. I did what I could.

Bernadette: Seriously? You brought Raj over to take your side?
Raj: Your dad's on your side.
Bernadette: He's not on my side. He's doing all the work for free.
Raj: That is so generous of you. I'd like to switch sides.

Howard: Look, uh I don't even think you can take this wall down 'cause it's load-bearing.
Raj: Well, it's easy to find out. Just go into the crawlspace under the house and check.
Howard: When is your visa up?

Sheldon: Not only is it signed to me but this is where he wiped his mouth. So we are currently in the presence of Leonard Nimoy's DNA.
Wil Wheaton: Um, doesn't Adam count as Leonard Nimoy's DNA?
Sheldon: No offense, but this is pure 100% Nimoy. Because of your mother, you're only 50%. Which isn't bad, but anything that you wipe your mouth on gets thrown away.

Penny: What else you hiding in there?
Sheldon: Wouldn't you like to know?
Penny: I would.
Sheldon: All right then. See, just my valuables. My passport, uh, my will-
Leonard: You have a will?
Sheldon: Yeah. My 1/18 scale Wil Wheaton action figure.

Sheldon: I also have the other kind of will, and in it I will my Wil back to Wil.
Leonard: Will Wil want it?
Wil Wheaton: Wil won't.

Sheldon: We've gotten a little off-topic. Allow me to make things entertaining again in this little Spockumentary. That was Leonard's joke.

Sheldon: As a child, when faced with a dilemma, my mother encouraged me to ask, "€œWhat would Jesus do?" The answer to that was always, "Love thy neighbor." But my neighbor had a dead tooth, so that wasn't going to happen.
But that's why I changed it to, "€œWhat would Spock do?"
Adam Nimoy: Did you find that helpful?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, for example, three years ago when I discovered Penny was eating all my Pop-Tarts, instead of getting angry or vindictive, you know, I got a floor safe.
Penny: I knew I could smell 'em.

Adam Nimoy: What about from when you were a kid?
Sheldon: Oh, certainly.
Sheldon: Uh, when I was eight years old, Billy Sparks cornered me in the playground.
I asked myself, "What would Spock do?" Then I grabbed Billy on his shoulder and performed my first Vulcan nerve pinch.
Adam Nimoy: Did it work?
Sheldon: Oh, no. He broke my collarbone. I can still hear it click.

Wil Wheaton: This documentary is going to be awesome!

Mike Rostenkowski: You gonna be okay down here?
Howard: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like an archaeologist. Indiana Jones and the Single-Family Dwelling.

Howard: Hey, look! I found a seashell.
Mike Rostenkowski: Yeah, that's a rat skull.
Howard: (shrieks)
Mike Rostenkowski: Relax. There's enough droppings down here without you making more.