Raj: But what do you think?
Emily: I think it's very cute.
Raj: Cute? It's not cute. Cute is children dressed as vegetables.

Leonard: Where is everything?
Sheldon: In my present, it's in the future. In your present, it's been crammed in the bedroom by an enterprising young man I met in The Home Depot parking lot.

Leonard: I know what you're doing. You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
Sheldon: No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
Leonard: Will you knock it off? We're across the hall.
Sheldon: As the kids are saying today, "talk to the hand."
Penny: They're not saying that.
Sheldon: They are in 2003.
Penny: No, no. They're really not.

Penny: Are you doing okay?
Leonard: I guess. I'm just, you know, worried about Sheldon.
Penny: Well, come on, he's a grown man in his 30s pretending to be a grown man in his 20s. He's fine.

Penny: What else can you do? Move back in with him?
Leonard: No, of course not. I just feel bad.
Penny: Well, so do I, but don't you want to live with your wife and set the thermostat to whatever you want? And have your body tell you when it's time to go to the bathroom? You know, not a schedule slipped underneath your door every morning?
Leonard: I did like that he had the weather on it.

Penny: Trust me, this is the right thing.
Leonard: I know. And it's not like we're abandoning him.
Plus, we can FaceTime him whenever we want, you know, once iPhones are invented in his universe.

Bernadette: I can't believe Sheldon asked you to be his roommate.
Amy: I can't believe he ran my credit.

Bernadette: Hey, if you're open to living with someone great, I'll give you $1,000 to take Stuart.
Amy: You really should've gone on the Internet and checked how long that kind of thing lives before you got one.
Bernadette: I'm sorry. I just thought you might have a pasty, weirdo-shaped hole in your life.

Sheldon: What happened to me, Amy? Years ago I was completely disengaged from my feelings. I'd say it was a happier time, but I was disengaged from my feelings, so who can tell?

Amy: I don't know how to help you. You know, feelings are a part of life.
Sheldon: They didn't used to be. You and Leonard and Penny, you all poisoned me with emotions. I was like the Tin Man, perfectly content until that evil Wizard gave him a heart.
Amy: I don't think that was the point of the movie.
Sheldon: Fine, then I was like Pinocchio before that jerk Geppetto went and made him a real boy.
Amy: There you go.

Penny: So, what are you thinking for dinner?
Leonard: Well, it's Thai food night.
Penny: Well, honey, you don't live with Sheldon any more. You can have anything you want.
Leonard: You're right. But what? Mexican? Italian? German? Indian? Greek? Cuban? Chinese? Pizza? Barbecue? Korean? Korean barbecue?
Penny: How about Thai food?
Leonard: Oh, thank God.

Penny: Hey, we're going to dinner. You want to come?
Sheldon: Oh, I wish I could, but I realized I've become too emotionally vulnerable, so, like an operating system, I'm restoring my life to the last stable version, which was in 2003, the day before I met Leonard.
Leonard: You heard him, no.

Penny: Hang on. Wait, you actually think it's 2003?
Sheldon: No, just because I'm living my life like it was 12 years ago doesn't mean I'm delusional.
And since it is 2003, I don't know who you are, so please exit the premises before I call the police on my stylish new flip phone.

Raj: Hey, remember The Ark of the Covenant?
Howard: Yeah?
Raj: That's how much we're gonna melt people's faces off.

Sheldon: I appreciate your interest in the apartment. I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
Applicant: Sure.
Sheldon: It says here you're a chemist. Which element on the periodic table do you feel is too big for its britches?
Applicant: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Sheldon: Looks like argon's not the only one with an attitude problem.