Sheldon: Hello.
Leonard: Hey, buddy, can we have some privacy?
Sheldon: Of course. Wouldn't want to intrude. (takes red bra out of his pocket and hands it to Penny) This is yours.
Penny: Okay, when I'm done with him, I'm gonna need more information.
Sheldon: Nothing odd. I just wanted to rub Amy's nose in it.

Bernadette: Hands off. I'm mad at you.
Howard: Look, I know it's a lot of money, but the guy at the store said in five to seven years it'll pay for itself.
Bernadette: What will pay for itself?
Howard: Doesn't matter. What are you mad about?

Howard: And you have every right to be mad about those things, so why don't you let me handle the credit card bill for this month? Don't even look at it.

Howard: And I wish Leonard never told me. He's the bad guy here.
Bernadette: I guess that's true.
Howard: And you let Penny marry him. Compared to that, who cares if I bought a George Clooney limited edition Manscaping kit.

Leonard: Hi, I'm calling about your marriage counselling services and I was curious what your rate is.
Really?
Uhm, okay, is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? We're talking hours here.

Amy: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: I'm here to return your belongings. That's what people who've broken up do.
Amy: And you didn't do your compulsive knocking ritual so I'd open the door?
Sheldon: On the contrary, you no longer get to enjoy my charming eccentricities. We're not friends with benefits.

Amy: My old scarf.
Sheldon: You wore it the night we went ice skating, remember?
Amy: You mean the night that I went ice skating and you stood at the rail Googling the symptoms of hypothermia.
Sheldon: We made one heck of a team, huh?

Amy: Whose bra is this?
Sheldon: It's not yours? Oh, my. How embarrassing for both of us.
Amy: It's Penny's.
Sheldon: Hey. You broke up with me, it's none of your business whose naked bosom I'm smushing around like pizza dough.

Sheldon: I understand that we are no longer a couple, but I'd like to remind you that we made a baby together.
Amy: What baby?
Sheldon: A precocious, little Internet show known as Fun with Flags.

Amy: Sheldon, I am not doing Fun with Flags with you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Amy: Because we're broken up!
Sheldon: Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
Amy: No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
Sheldon: You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, because you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.

Amy: I've seen and talked to you more in the two days we've been broken up than in the last two months we were together.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see less of me, maybe we should go out again.

Raj: I can't believe you made out with Mandy Chow.
Leonard: Oh, trust me I wish it never happened.
Raj: And you knew about this the whole time?
Howard: I did.
Raj: And you didn't think to tell me?
Howard: Leonard asked me to keep it to myself.
Raj: Let's leave Leonard out of this for the moment. This is about you and me.

Leonard: How is my day-old marriage falling apart becoming about you two?
Raj: Hang on. (To Howard) What do I need to do to make you trust me?
Howard: You think it's hard having one wife? Try having two!

Sheldon: Why are you up?
Leonard: How am I supposed to sleep? I've been married less than twenty-four hours and my wife isn't speaking to me.
Sheldon: Perhaps you can think of this in a more positive light. In one day, you've managed to do what it takes many couples decades to achieve.

Penny: You couldn't sleep either?
Leonard: Of course not.
Sheldon: Me neither. But I just had a tickle in my throat. Not profound marital problems.