Mary Cooper: Well, honey, don't send it back yet. Your sister's married, and I'm not letting your brother give my grandmother's ring to that whore he's dating.

Sheldon: Wasn't Mary Magdalene a woman of ill repute?
Mary Cooper: When your idiot brother redeems mankind, he can date whoever he wants.

Leonard: Listen. If you're imagining that it was sexy, it wasn't. We were both drunk and she smelled like an ashtray. The boat was moving a lot, so I chipped her tooth.
Penny: Did you feel guilty?
Leonard: Well, she had dental insurance.

Leonard: Okay, look. Instead of fighting, why don't we dim the lights, get naked and make a baby?

Was trying to lighten the mood. It's not easy. You try it.

Sheldon: Hello, mother.
Mary Cooper: Shelly. How's my baby doing?
Sheldon: I just wanted to let you know that you can remove Amy from your nightly prayers. Unless you're open to praying for a bee hive to fall on her head.

Mary Cooper: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: She broke up with me.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Shelly.
Sheldon: Well, I'll be okay. But I think I'd like to send the ring back to you.
Mary Cooper: Let's not be hasty. Are you sure it's over for good?
Sheldon: It's over for me. I'm done with women. Like when I swore off Pop Rocks, they both hurt you on purpose.

Mary Cooper: Do you wanna tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Are you gonna say it's all part of God's plan?
Mary Cooper: Good chance.

Leonard: Hang on. I believe I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold.
Penny: Can you?
Leonard: Who do you think carries Sheldon to bed when he falls asleep in front of the TV?

Penny: Nicely done.
Leonard: Finally there's a Mrs. Hofstadter who isn't disappointed in me.
Penny: Well, the night is still young.

Bernadette: Aww, that was beautiful.
Howard: Yeah. I mean, not like our wedding beautiful.
Bernadette: No, we totally won.

Sheldon: You know, Amy, I don't understand. Are we broken up or not? It's like you can't make up your mind.
Amy: It's because you're not giving me any space to think.
Sheldon: Well, you should think fast. Because men can sire offspring their entire life, but those eggs you're toting around have a sell-by date.

Penny: You wrote vows?
Leonard: Yes.
Penny: I don't have any. You're kind of making me look bad.
Leonard: I don't have to say them.
Penny: No, go ahead. I'll come up with something mushy, you'll cry. We've got this.

Leonard: Penny. We are made of particles that have existed since the moment the universe began. I like to think those atoms traveled fourteen billion years through time and space to create us, so that we could be together and make each other whole.

Penny: Leonard. You're not only the love of my life. You're my best friend. And you've got a friend in me. You got troubles. I got 'em too. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you. We stick together and we can see it through, because you've got a friend in me.

Officiant: Is that the song from Toy Story?
Penny: He loves that movie.
Leonard: (emotional) I do.