Leonard: My mother's texting you?
Penny: Yeah. We've been talking a lot lately.
Leonard: Why? She sick of talking to the magic mirror on the wall?

Leonard: I got all your favorites. Beer, wings, sliders. We can watch the football game. I even painted my stomach.
Penny: Go Sports?
Leonard: Well, in case you were in the mood for baseball, I didn't want to look ridiculous.

Amy: Hey, did you guys know that Sheldon had a best friend growing up named Tam?
Leonard: Was that the imaginary talking koala?
Amy: No. He's a real person who apparently betrayed him.
Leonard: Yeah, so did the koala.

Sheldon: Now, Penny, we don't consume alcohol during Dungeons and Dragons. It impairs our judgment.
Penny: Oh, this isn't alcohol. It's a magic potion that makes me like you.
Leonard: Double potion, please.

Raj: I'll buy some Bitcoin. I just came into a little extra money when my dad raised my allowance.
Sheldon: You don't have to buy Bitcoin. You can mine it.
Leonard: Mine it? Like, mining gold?
Sheldon: Sort of. There's a limited amount, and we find it not by tunneling into the earth, but by using a computer to solve complex mathematical problems.
Howard: So let me get this straight. We have to write an elaborate program in order to find a fake coin that we can't spend on anything?
Sheldon: Yes.
Howard: That sounds fun.
Raj: Yeah, I'm in.
Leonard: Staying up late, writing code, it sounds like a party.

Leonard: You see, I used to be a jackass, but I stopped myself. I became a good guy. See, that's kind of my superpower. I'm like Captain Good Guy!
(Alice pushes him out, then slams door)
Leonard: It's okay. Did the right thing. *tightens his jacket* You idiot!

Mary Cooper: How was your flight?
Beverly Hofstadter: Very pleasant. And yours?
Mary Cooper: Lovely. Almost as if someone - not saying who - was watching over the plane.
Beverly Hofstadter: You're kidding, right?
Leonard: Subtle, mom, real subtle.

Leonard: You said always. You'll always have feelings for me.
Penny: So?
Leonard: So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone. This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you. Here's the thing, Lisa, I'm into dudes now, but I'll always have feelings for you.

Sheldon: You give me enough time, I can do the same thing with a wedding date. It needs to be on the weekend, uh, not near any of your birthdays, or the weekend of Comic Con.
Leonard: Ooh, you could get married at Comic Con.
Amy, Penny and Bernadette: No!

Penny: Oh, there it is again. You think I'm stupid.
Leonard: No, there's a difference between being stupid and acting stupid.
Penny: Oh, yeah? Well, there's a difference between being a jerk and being an ass.
Leonard: No, there isn't. They're synonyms.

Raj: Maybe moving in was a bad idea. I haven't been here one day, I'm already causing problems.
Penny: You didn't do anything. It's Sheldon.
Leonard: "You didn't do anything.It's Sheldon." That'd make a nice needlepoint pillow.

Sheldon: I suppose you're wondering why I put you through all this.
Leonard: You mean the last two minutes or the last 20 years?

Penny: Okay, what just happened?
Leonard: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events.

Sheldon: Can I at least kick down the door?
Leonard: You're welcome to try, but the other day, it took you 15 minutes to get into a FedEx box.

Leonard: That's actually a valid example. Animals do deliver messages through scent.
Raj: Bees talk to each other by dancing. Whales have their songs.
Leonard: Penny has about 20 different ways of rolling her eyes that each mean something different.