Beverly Hofstadter: Sounds like Sheldon was a handful.
Mary Cooper: Oh, he was a handful.
Sheldon: I was a handful.
Leonard: You still are.

Leonard: Sheldon took our order.
Penny: Sheldon doesn't work here.
Leonard: Well, honey, not to complain, but we were starting to think you didn't either.

Beverly Hofstadter: I read your paper. It was very impressive.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Leonard: We just spent two hours in traffic. Did you think to mention to me that you liked our paper?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course I did, but it's a mother's job to make sure her child's self-esteem is not dependent on anyone's approval.
Leonard: That's so sweet, you think I have self-esteem.

Leonard: I just keep thinking how cool it would be if I called my mom and told her that I got tenure at Caltech.
Penny: She'd be proud, huh?
Leonard: Oh, very. Assuming she takes my call.

Sheldon: Oh, I was always afraid this day would come. This might be the first step of my descent into madness, where I gradually test the limits of public nudity.
Penny: Public nudity?
Leonard: Eh, that just means going barefoot.

Leonard: Well, I'm excited to show you around.
Penny: You think we'll have time to visit your mom over there?
Leonard: Yes. We'll also have time to put my junk in a garlic press, but I'm not doing that either.

Leonard: Okay, you need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today.

Sheldon: You know, I got her an iPhone for Christmas. I'll see where she is.
Leonard: Oh, that's nice. Most people her age don't embrace technology.
Sheldon: Oh, no, she doesn't even know she has it. No, I had my sister slip it in her bag so that I can track her like a sea turtle.
Leonard: Same as when we lost you at the zoo.
Sheldon: Uh, for the hundredth time, I smelled kettle corn and couldn't find the cart.
Leonard: Still doesn't explain how you ended up on the freeway divider.

Howard: You look like you come with a kickstand.
Raj: You can't make me feel bad.
Howard: Hmm, maybe not. Leonard?
Leonard: So, when the aliens brought you back, they just left the probe in?

Leonard: What about tiresome lunatic with a bad haircut? Has he called yet?

Beverly Hofstadter: Penny, I hope the example of my failed marriage to Leonard's father doesn't discourage you from the commitment you've made to one another.
Penny: No, of course not.
Beverly Hofstadter: Although Alfred and I had a lot more going for us than you two.
Leonard: Mom, please save something for the toast.

Leonard: We don't have an appointment. And we don't belong here, but we're like crazy big fans. Crazy for Star Wars crazy, not like we have a backpack full of duct tape. Although we do have a backpack that you really don't want to look in.

Sheldon: All right, we have defeated the first challenge. Now we must steel ourselves to face the monster who defends the gate.
Leonard: We're trying to get past a security guard. Not rescue Zelda.

Sheldon: Do you think they're gonna call the police?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe they'll call Imperial Officers to take us to a holding cell on the Death Star.
Sheldon: I think that's below the pay grade of an Imperial Officer. Storm troopers would really be the ones-
Leonard: Oh, shut up!

Sheldon: Are you still mad at me?
Leonard: Yes. We missed our lecture, we were almost arrested, and you got me locked in a room with a man who forced his tongue down the throat of a stuffed Wookiee.