Penny: Hey, shouldn't you be out with your gang, spray painting equations on the side of buildings?
Leonard: Come on, I'm sorry.

Leonard: It's hard sometimes. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. Why is everyone taller than me? You know what, this is all in my head. It's my problem, not yours.
Penny: Leonard, why do you always do this? Listen to me, you're the one I'm with. You know I love you. So will you please relax, because you're driving me crazy.
Leonard: You know that's the first time you ever said you love me.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: We're just supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?
Penny: That's exactly what we're gonna do, because you're about to make me cry. And we both know if I start crying, you're gonna start crying.
Leonard: You're right, I should go.

Leonard: And Amy's your best friend. I'm sure she'll come to her senses and pick you.
Penny: Okay, she's not my best friend. We're not 12. If she wants Bernadette to be her maid of honor, I really don't care.
Leonard: Sounds like you care.
Penny: No, I mean, it-it's just annoying. You know, we talk every day. We see each other all the time. She's always there for me, and basically-- oh, my God, Amy's my best friend.
Leonard: You okay?
Penny: No, my best friend didn't ask me to be her maid of honor. I'm pissed!

Sheldon: Leonard we need to do something about your wife.
Leonard: What's the matter?
Sheldon: She is clearly sick, and she's gonna take us all down with her.
Leonard: She's not sick, Sheldon.
Sheldon: She is, and I'm gonna catch it, and it's gonna ruin the greatest day of my life.
Leonard: I promise you're not going to get what she has.
Penny: What's going on?
Sheldon: [gasps] Unclean! Unclean!
Penny: What?
Leonard: He thinks you're sick.
Penny: Oh. Should we tell him?
Leonard: Well, if we don't, he might try and jump out of the plane.
Penny: Yeah. Doesn't answer my question.

Penny: Come on, looks don't matter to Sheldon. ... Because he only has eyes for you!
Amy: Nice try.
Penny: Thanks, I was scrambling.

Penny: (On the phone) Anyway, I'm really sorry I made fun of your stutter in high school.
Bernadette: You're doing great.
Penny: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh, God, just finish the sentence. Okay, well, I'm sorry you feel that way. Bye. No one wants to hear my apologies.
Amy: I think your mistake is doing it over the phone. If they could look into your eyes, they'd melt.
Bernadette: Penny, it doesn't matter what you did in the past. You're a good person now.
Penny: That's easy for you to say. You weren't just called a b-b-b-b-bitch.

Sheldon: The Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.
Penny: Really? Boy, you'd think you could trust a horde of Hungarian barbarians.

Leonard: Do you remember when you accused me of trying to sabotage our wedding?
Penny: Uh-huh.
Leonard: I've been thinking about it and you might be right. But the good news is I'm pretty sure I know why.
Penny: I'm listening.
Leonard: Penny, after all these years I still feel like maybe I don't deserve you.
Penny: Okay, that is the lamest excuse you could have possibly come up. But I get it.

Penny: There, nice and comfy cosy. Zero, zero, zero.
Sheldon: There's one more zero. You forgot the time parameter.
Penny: Sit on the damn couch.

Sheldon: When I signed for this package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service, and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknoweldge receipt of the package so I'm fully indemnified and no longer liable.
Penny: Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones.
Sheldon: Well, the content are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?
Penny: It means nothing to anybody.

Leonard: Well, I can't read your mind, Penny!
Penny: Really? Why not? You're so smart, and I'm so dumb.

Penny: You guys should've seen Leonard when I first met him. There was no eye contact. He was either looking up at the ceiling, or down at his shoes.
Amy: I'm drunk.
Penny: You know, for the first couple of months, whenever I would take off my bra, he would giggle and say, oh boy, my breast friends.

Penny: Hi. We're just heading out for a drink.
Amy: Because I do that now.
Bernadette: Count your blessings you're not a Tanzanian chimp.
Priya: What?
Penny: Don't listen to her, she's had a lot of ice cream.

Howard: I'll take the apartment upstairs. I can finally get away from my mother, and we can spend some more time together, if you catch my drift.
Penny: The horror.

Penny: Sheldon, come in.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'd like to make a sandwich, but I'm out of bread.
Penny: There's some in the fridge.
Sheldon: You shouldn't keep your bread in the refrigerator. Staleness is caused by crystallization of the starch molecules, which occurs faster at cool temperatures.
Penny: On Earth, we say thank you.