Leonard: You know, Penny and I aren't the only ones who've broken up. So did Howard and Bernadette.
Raj: Uh, not to brag, but all my breakups have lasted.

Emily: Look, Raj, be honest with me. If you want to end things, just do it. Don't expect me to do it for you.
Raj: End things? I'm trying to tell you that I love you.

Raj: Hello, sorry I'm late. But I was in the hallway, chatting up Penny.
Howard: Really? You? Rajesh Koothrapali, spoke to Penny?
Raj: Actually, I was less the chatter than the chattee.

Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Sheldon: Raj, you're probably wondering why Amy and I aren't showing any affection to one another.
Raj: Didn't even crack the top ten.

Raj: Ah, that was fun. Put her there, buddy.
Ruchi: I am not fist bumping you after we have sex.
Raj: You're the one who wanted to keep things casual.
Ruchi: There's a difference between casual and weird.
Raj: Not the way I do it.

Raj: They asked me what my biggest weakness was, and 45 minutes later, they thanked me for coming.

Leonard: Edison was kind of a publicity hog and a bully.
Raj: Yeah, he electrocuted an elephant named Topsy just to make himself famous. If I had an elephant named Topsy, he would want for nothing. Also, he'd be named Jumbo.

Leonard: How'd it go last night?
Raj: Y'know, same old same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop.

Raj: Hey, look, I found an iPod.
Howard: It's smashed beyond repair. What are you gonna do with it?
Raj: What else? Sell it on eBay as slightly used.

Raj: I know, I am resplendent like the noonday sun, am I not?

Leonard: You guys ready?
Raj: In a minute. Howard stepped outside to throw up.

Raj: Oh, my goodness. Aren't you the cutest little Yorkie ever! You got him for me?
Howard: Her. We thought you two would hit it off.
Raj: I think we already have.

Sheldon: How many women have you had dates with?
Raj: Eleven.
Sheldon: How many of those women did you think would become your perfect companion?
Raj: Eleven.
Raj: Wait, do I count the 200lb Sailor Moon girl that Howard and I had a threesome with at Comic-Con?
Sheldon: Sure.
Raj: I'll stick with eleven. She liked Howard better.

Stuart: What did you put for your best feature?
Raj: My parents' money. What did you put for your best feature?
Stuart: I put "not applicable".