Sheldon: Given our new found intimacy, I'd say we have some hard choices to make.
Penny: Like what?
Sheldon: Gary Con. Do we fly or drive? Do we wear costumes? And if so, who gets to be Gary?

Raj: What, y-you stole our Bitcoin?
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I'm not keeping it. I just wanted to watch you sweat.
Howard: If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
Sheldon: I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Leonard: Where's our money?
Sheldon: That's the best part. It's on the Batman flash drive on your key chain. You've had it in your pocket all along.
Leonard: Sheldon I lost that key chain years ago.
Sheldon: Really? D-D-Did you look under things?

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

Leonard: So, listen. There was something I was hoping to float past you. Now that Penny and I are engaged, I thought we might want to talk about our living arrangements.
Sheldon: Of course. She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good. Because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg countless men would perish.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny! *knock knock knock* Penny!
Penny: Sheldon, go away. I'm making a video.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. I'll come back when you're alone.

Leonard: Maybe I'll move in with Penny, or maybe she and I'll take this place and you can move across the hall.
Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?

Sheldon: I see. You're putting your future bride's happiness above mine.
Leonard: Well, yeah!
Sheldon: Wow.

Raj: And we're blending, and we're blending, and we're done. Sheldon: I know Mr. Data isn't supposed to smile, but here it comes. Howard: (Dressed as a Borg) Come on, guys. Let's do this. Leonard: (dressed as Captain Picard): Yeah, I'm sweating my bald cap off.

Sheldon: Oh really, Leonard? Are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?
Leonard: Hissy fits? I have hissy fits?
Sheldon: Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.

Sheldon: Remember the old days when I would point out that your check engine light is out?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Well, get ready to stroll down memory lane. Penny, your check engine light is on.

Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, there you are. I need you to check my head for chair lice.
Leonard: I did it last night, I'm not doing it again.
Howard: Just his head, right?
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it. You didn't catch bugs from Penny's chair.
Sheldon: Yes, I did. And now they're cavorting at the base of my hair follicles, like dancing hippies at the Redwood National Forest.
Leonard: Sheldon, you do this all the time. You fixate on some crazy idea and then blow it way out of proportion.
Sheldon: Name one time I have ever done that.
Leonard: How about the time you put GPS trackers in your garbage because you were convinced that North Korean spies were stealing your doodles? The chicken nuggets you were sure were human nuggets. The strangely shaped cloud that was following you around town. The time you put on my shirt by mistake and were convinced that you started growing again.
Sheldon: I said name one. You really need to work on your listening skills.

Amy: You know, this might work out for the best. You're always complaining about what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
Sheldon: Euck, it's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping, the awful one with birds and snakes.

Sheldon: No, thank you. But for the record, I'm an excellent dancer. Proficient in the rumba, waltz and cha-cha.
Amy: Really?
Sheldon: I don't see why that's surprising. I excel at so many things. You've had my sourdough bread.

Penny: He means he's writing a book.
Leonard: I do. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. Yeah. It's about a brilliant physicist who solves crimes using science.
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard-
Leonard: It's not about you.
Sheldon: He probably has to say that for legal reasons.

Bernadette: Watch what happens when you move.
Sheldon: Oh! Oh, boy, you weren't kidding. Oh, those are 10,000 lumens if they're a lumen.
Howard: Well, you know what they say: when life give you lumens, make lumen-Ade. [chuckles]
Sheldon: Was that a joke?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: Based on the premise that "lumen" sounds like "lemon"?
Howard: Yes.
Sheldon: [chuckles] That's hilarious.