Sheldon: There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

Bernadette: Speaking of new careers, how are things going with dark matter, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I have to say it's the most exciting time in the history of the field.
Bernadette: Oh, what's going on?
Sheldon: I started doing it.

Sheldon: I'm clearly too evolved for driving.

Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.

Leonard: Sheldon, you need to find a better way of dealing with Penny.
Sheldon: What am I supposed to do? Eat French Toast on a Monday? Now that would be impossible.

Sheldon: Do those sound like castanets to you?
Leonard: The box says 'kitchen'.
Sheldon: So? Do cocaine smugglers write 'cocaine' on the box?

Sheldon: *Knock Knock Knock* Penny. *Knock Knock Knock* Penny.
Penny: *Opening her door* ... Penny.
Sheldon: That's just wrong.

Sheldon: Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!

Raj: Did you go to your prom?
Sheldon: No. I had a date with a proper education. Instead of a tuxedo, I dressed myself in good habits. Instead of spiked punch, I enjoyed the intoxicating flavor of knowledge. Instead of dancing in a gym, I shook my bootie to the seductive rhythms-
Penny: Okay, okay.
Sheldon: -of AP calculus.

Sheldon: Radio contact is sufficient. No need to extend your middle finger.

Sheldon: Hi little guy. How'd you like to come home with us? You'll be living with me, because we don't live in the same house.
Amy: But that's not your fault. Like you, we're taking it ridiculously slow. You'll stay with me when he's away for Comic-Con or with work.
Sheldon: Or if they accept daddy's application to live on Mars.

Amy: That's fascinating. I can't wait to read it.
Sheldon: Oh, me as well. Please email it to [email protected] Why .biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga.com was taken.

Sheldon: Clearly febrile delirium is setting in. Please bring me some soup while I still understand what a spoon is for.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: (Sarcastic) When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight!

Sheldon: Amy, this isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult. But even more so when you're with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And frankly, who can strike people as being kind of a weirdo.
Amy: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon: I wasn't speaking about me. I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. Introducing myself as your boyfriend. Giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with you colleagues using ethnic humor - the funniest kind of humor.