Leonard: Uh, here's the thing. Girls like Penny never end up with guys who own time machines.
Sheldon: I disagree. Your inability to successfully woo Penny long predates your acquisition of the time machine. That failure clearly stands on its own.

Sheldon: In addition, your premise is flawed. In the original film, Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimeaux with that very time machine. In Back to the Future, Marty McFly got the opportunity to hook up with his extremely attractive young mother.
Leonard: Those are movies.
Sheldon: Well, of course they're movies. Were you expecting me to come up with an example involving a real life time machine? That's absurd.

Sheldon: Why don't you tell them I take tolls at the Golden Gate Bridge? A Rocket Scientist, how humiliating!

Missy: (Talking to the guys) He was trying to build some sort of armed robot to keep me out of his room.
Sheldon: Made necessary by her insistence on going into my room.

Raj: She's not hiding. She needed privacy to call her grandmother, who's apparently very sick. Oh, and I believe she has to wash her hair.
Howard: Oh, you poor deluded bastard.
Raj: Don't start with me, dude.
Howard: You wanna go again? Let's go.

Howard: Okay, I get it, I know how the world works. How about if I were to introduce you to the man who freed your people? (laying down a $5 bill)
Althea: Unless my people were freed by Benjamin Franklin and his 5 twin brothers, you are wasting your time.

Penny: Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.
Leonard: It's called trestling.
Howard: It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental agility of tetris into the ultimate sport.
Penny: Yeah, that's terrific, but what they wanted me to ask you was to cut it the hell out.

Sheldon: We might as well stop. It's a stalemate. You're beating me at tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.

Shopper: Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
Sheldon: I know everything about this stuff.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.

Howard: Not now, I have a blog to find.

Howard: Apparently, he posted intimate details of their physical relationship on his blog, which I cannot find anywhere.

Leslie: Oh, Leonard, you magnificent beast.

Sheldon: Howard, I'm gonna need another mandarin lesson, I obviously didn't make my point with those people.
Howard: For God's sake, Sheldon, if you don't like the tangerine chicken, don't order the tangerine chicken.
Sheldon: I like tangerine chicken, I'm just not getting tangerine chicken.

Howard: Hey, look at me I'm a fancy Indian man! We invented pajamas! (About what Raj said to Sheldon's sister.)