Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Bernadette: It's not just the sloth. Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
Stuart: (To Howard) Told you we should have gone to Legoland.

Bert: Hey, guys.
Sheldon: Oh, hello.
Leonard: Hey. Want to join us?
Sheldon: But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.
Raj: Oh, quick! Sit!

Leonard: So, Sheldon says you have a new girlfriend.
Sheldon: Yeah, which he rudely announced on my flag show. People were so upset about it no one else called in the rest of the night.

Leonard: Hey, we're all having dinner tonight. Why don't the two of you join us?
Sheldon: Uh, wa-- Hold on. We don't know anything about this woman.
Bert: What do you want to know?
Sheldon: Is she a geologist?
Bert: No.
Sheldon: Oh, great. See you at 7:00.

Sheldon: Where's Howard?
Raj: He took the day off.
Sheldon: Oh, let's take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get. I'll go first.
Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, "Did you know you were going 85 miles per hour?" And Heisenberg says, "Darn it, now I don't know where I am."

Howard: Should we get lunch or you want to eat at the zoo?
*Bernadette and Stuart staring at their phones*
Howard: (imitating Bernadette):"Oh, Howie, I don't need food as long as I can look at my phone."
Bernadette: I don't like when you imitate me.
Howard: You want to hear my Stuart? (imitating Stuart) "It's been a while since I've gone on a date.
You mind if we watch the monkeys doing it?"
Stuart: I said that to you in confidence.

Bernadette: When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people. We don't know anything about them.
Howard: They're highly-trained educators with background checks. They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.
Stuart: You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.

Bert: Hey, Sheldon. Hey, Amy. It's Bert.
Sheldon: Hello, Bert. What is your flag-related comment or query?
Bert: I have a girlfriend.
Amy: And what does that have to do with flags?
Bert: Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.

Sheldon: Bert, you're tying up the line. My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments.

Sheldon: So tell us in your own words about that magical moment when Fun with Flags was born.
Leonard: I honestly don't remember.
Sheldon: Sure you do. I was telling you both the story about how Haiti and Lichtenstein discovered they had the same flag. It was at the Summer Olympics of 1936, and two plucky nations-
Penny: Oh, wait. I remember.
Sheldon: Oh, and do you remember what you said?
Penny: Yes. "Please find someone who cares."
*cut back to Sheldon and Amy in the "studio"*
Sheldon: And that's exactly what I did. I found a lot of someones.
Amy: Almost 200. Many of them on purpose.

Sheldon: Hello, I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
Amy: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: And welcome to a special retrospective, where we will take a look back at the history of Fun with Flags on an episode we're calling,
Both: "Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective."

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.