Raj: Don't you even feel a little bad sponging off your friends?
Stuart: Hey, look, I went to art college, I tried to make it as a graphic artist, a comic book artist, and you know what I got for my efforts? A visible rib cage. I'm not kidding. You can see my heart beating.

Raj: Well, no offense, but I didn't go to art school. I have a PhD in astrophysics.
Stuart: Oh, great, it'll be easier for you to look up at the stars without a roof over your head.

Sheldon: Beverly believes I unconsciously consider my old room an escape hatch.
Amy: Is that bothering you?
Sheldon: Yes. I don't care for unconscious thoughts. My brain and I are best friends. It should tell me everything.
Amy: I mean, how it relates to our relationship, not the bromance between you and your brain.

Raj: Can I just stay in the garage?
Bernadette: Don't do that. We'll make up the couch for you and figure out something in the morning.
Raj: Thank you.
Stuart: Come on, I'll get you some sheets. Then I'll see if I can beat my high score on the blood pressure machine.

Howard: Never should've had all these kids so close together.

Sheldon: What if she's correct? Doesn't that say something troubling about us?
Amy: I don't know. I just think you're the kind of person who likes a contingency plan.
Sheldon: That is true. Did you know I figured out in which order I would eat all my friends in the event of an apocalypse?
Amy: You need to stop hanging out with your brain so much. It's not a good influence.

Raj: I didn't think this is where my life would be.
Stuart: Me, either. I'm in a bedroom and you're on a couch. I'm actually winning.

Stuart: (Storming into Howard and Bernadette's room with a baseball bat) Not on my watch!
Bernadette: It's fine. It's just Raj. You can hit him with the bat, but it's fine.

Stuart: And if my heart stops, just let me go.

Leonard: Look, just because we took our friend in does not mean that Penny and I are afraid to be alone.
Penny: Yeah, this is a special circumstance.
Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon mentioned you tried to get your brother to live with you, as well.
Penny: Yeah, well, a circumstance can happen twice and still be special.

Beverly Hofstadter: Do you agree with that?
Leonard: Well, now that you point it out-
Penny: Are you kidding me?
Leonard: We do seem to keep finding roommates.
Penny: Now you're taking her side?
Beverly Hofstadter: Dear, I would never come between you and Leonard. That's for your parade of roommates to do.

Raj: I'm sorry, guys. Sheldon was upset, Leonard and Penny were fighting. I just wanted to go someplace where I wasn't causing problems.
Howard: (sighs) I'll say it again. India.

Sheldon: Hey, Raj, I owe you an apology. Look, could you please put your dog on a leash?
Raj: Sheldon, she's fine.
Sheldon: Well, then at least hold her still so I can pretend she's stuffed.

Penny: So, relax. We're happy to have you.
Raj: Thank you, but how do I know you're not saying that just to be nice?
Penny: Do you actually pay for that haircut?
Raj: That'll do it.

Sheldon: Beverly pointed out that I'm experiencing insecurities in my relationship with Amy, in the same way that Leonard and Penny are in their relationship.
Penny: What are you talking about? We're fine.
Sheldon: Yes, you're fine as long as you have a buffer living with you to distract from your marital problems. It used to be me. Now it's Raj and his attack Tribble.