Leonard: What brought that on?
Sheldon: (sighs) Well, last night Amy was angry with me because I'd been foolishly telling people about certain personal matters.
Howard: That's understandable.
Sheldon: Oh, I know that now. At first, I thought she was cranky because of her horrific menstrual cramps. It turns out, no, she was genuinely mortified.

Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, no, my grown son is going to stop spending all my money. Where did I fail as a father?!
Raj: Yeah, that's right. Keep asking yourself that! But I still love you very much, so don't cut me out of the will.

Raj: This morning, I fired my dog walker.
Howard: Oh. How's the dog gonna go to the bathroom?
Raj: Uh, I gave her an Imodium. That's tomorrow's problem.

Raj: We need to talk.
Dr. Koothrappali: All right.
Raj: I have come to an important decision. I will not be accepting your money any more. I'm a man, and I can take care of myself.
Dr. Koothrappali: That's wonderful!
Raj: Yes, that is wonderful! You will no longer be able to accuse me of being spoiled!
Dr. Koothrappali: I am so proud of you.
Raj: Dad, I'm trying to tell you off, and you're ruining it with your delight and relief.

Sheldon: All right, well, to sum up: Focus on science, keep your nose out of other people's business, and, uh, whoa, for a good time, call Bert.

Sheldon: Excuse me. May I have your attention, please? I have recently been made aware that my personal relationship with Amy Farrah Fowler has become water cooler gossip. And I just want to say, shame on all of you. We're scientists. Our minds should be focused on the advancement of human knowledge, not the intimate details of other people's lives.
Bert: He's right. And I'm sorry for the part I played in this.
Sheldon: Thank you, Bert. You're a good man. That woman who stood you up and humiliated you last night really missed out.
Bert: That doesn't paint me in the best light.
Sheldon: Uh. Oh, I'm sorry. Correction: That woman not only had vigorous coitus with Bert, she also tipped him a dollar for a job well done. That better?
Bert: Not really.

Leonard: Hey, you guys let Stuart live with you. Why not Raj, too?
Howard: What-what are you doing? I-I-I schlepped the baby over, I brought imported beer. Why don't you like me?

Raj: I thought we were best friends!
Howard: We are! That's why I'm sad my best friend's gonna be homeless.
Bernadette: I'm sorry, Raj. We really just don't have the space.
Leonard: What if he lives in your garage?
Bernadette: What if you stop helping?!

Sheldon: This circle contains only me and you. It represents subjects we only share with each other. Details of physical intimacy, bathroom habits. Although, as I'm saying it, I may need to add Dr. Fink in here.

Amy: Well, I do appreciate you working on this. I'm sorry you were embarrassed.
Sheldon: And now I understand that some things are just between you and me, and in the event of redness and swelling, Dr. Fink.

Amy: Are you really worried about revealing secrets to Stephen Hawking?
Sheldon: No, I was just excited to list him as a friend.

Amy: I'm not sleeping on the couch 'cause you don't know what's private and what's not.
Sheldon: This isn't fair. You've discussed aspects of our physical relationship with Penny.
Amy: That's different! She's a close friend, not the lady in the cafeteria who cuts the crust off your sandwiches!
Sheldon: That lady has a name. I don't know what it is, but one time, I accidentally called her "Mom".

Leonard: Do you know how much your car costs?
Raj: Not really.
Howard: Well, how much do you spend on food?
Raj: The housekeeper does the shopping.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, you really are spoiled.
Raj: I'm spoiled?! Your baby has a cape that costs $300!

Penny: All right. Hang on. We can figure this out. Let's just go over your expenses. How much is your rent?
Raj: I don't want to say.
Bernadette: Is it really that high?
Raj: I don't want to say because I don't know how much it is.
Penny: You don't how much your rent is?
Raj: My father pays for it! Do you know how much your rent is?!
Penny: Yeah.
Raj: Well, then double it, because my building's a lot nicer than this dump.

Penny: All right, how much exactly does he pay for?
Raj: Okay, I'll tell you, but please don't judge me. He pays for my car, my rent, and my credit cards.
Leonard: I'm trying, but I'm judging.