Amy: What does it say I'm feeling?
Sheldon: Sad.
Amy: Yes. I'm looking at a picture of my grandma.
Sheldon: Oh, that makes sense, 'cause she's gone and you miss her.
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: And you're worried that turkey neck is in your future. What, now, see, now it says you're mad. Make up your mind.

Penny: Well, what do you want us to do?
Amy: I don't know. Might be the New Jersey talking, but this Nowitzki broad needs to disappear.

Penny: "Article 8, subsection B: Leonard will restrict video-gaming in underpants to hours Penny is not home.
This includes boxers, briefs, thongs, G-strings or anything else that calls attention to his pasty little thighs."
Leonard: Does it really need to say that?
Sheldon: I did this for free, let me get a little something.

Leonard: "Article 10, subsection C: If questioned, Penny may not say that everything is fine if it isn't.
Other unacceptable responses include: 'It's nothing', 'Don't worry about it', and 'I said it's nothing, don't worry about it'."

Howard: Should we do something about Nowitzki?
Leonard: Like what?
Raj: Well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.
Stuart: I'll do it.
Leonard: No offense, Stuart, but the woman's a doctor.
Stuart: So? Doctors like me. Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.
Howard: She's not that kind of doctor.
Stuart: Oh. Well, her loss. I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Sheldon: You sign here, date here. And, Penny, if you could initial here to indicate that you're accepting Leonard in "as is" condition.

Raj: Can you even eat those things?
Leonard: If I take a Lactaid a half-hour before and some Pepto right after.
Raj: Sounds like a lot of work.
Leonard: Eh, I'm worth it.

Leonard: What's going on with that woman you're dating?
Raj: I broke up with her.
Leonard: Why?
Raj: She said she didn't want to see me any more and I found that insulting.

Howard: It's unbelievable. Sheldon has lunch with another woman and somehow my wife yells at me.
Leonard: Penny laid into me, too. Apparently, I'm overly fixated on premium Swiss chocolate bars.

Raj: Maybe I'll just play the field.
Howard: Yeah, the field was just here. The field said no.

Sheldon: You have no idea what it's like to struggle with recognizing emotional cues.
Amy: I'm sure it's extremely frustrating.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: And also a little sad.
Sheldon: Okay, now you're just showing off.

Raj: Now that Sheldon's across the hall, have you decided what you're doing with his old room?
Leonard: I was thinking maybe a library or a gaming room.
Sheldon: You could make it a train room.
Leonard: I don't like trains. You like trains.
Sheldon: I know, and Amy says I can't have a train room.

Sheldon: A machine that reads emotions is intriguing. It could help me be a more considerate friend.
Bernadette: Wouldn't that be nice.
Sheldon: It could also help me identify my enemies, discover their fears and then I could use those fears to destroy them.
Bernadette: I like the first one.

Bernadette: It's supposed to be accurate, like, 85% of the time.
Penny: Wow, I find that hard to believe.
Leonard: That a bunch of awkward scientists with no social skills would invent a machine to do it for them?
Penny: I take it back. I believe it.

Leonard: You're not being very nice.
Sheldon: What? He said he was fine.
Howard: Sometimes people say things they don't mean.
Sheldon: Well, that's a paradox. If you meant what you just said, then that means you may not have meant what you just said.
Leonard: Careful, I saw this on Star Trek. Smoke's gonna come out of his ears soon.