Amy: Sheldon, will you please just pick a side?
Sheldon: Fine. Okay, now, on this side, I am closer to the exit in case of emergency.
Amy: Great. That's your side.
Sheldon: No, but I'm also closer to the entrance in case of attack.
Amy: Okay, I'll take that side.
Sheldon: Ah, then again, what are the odds of someone attacking me?
Amy: Rising rapidly.

Sheldon: Now, this side offers me proximity to the bathroom, but I am closer to the window where perverts can watch me sleep.
Amy: Okay. What if we do this? (Amy closes the drapes)
Sheldon: I suppose that works.
Amy: Great.
Sheldon: Although now I'm kind of worried someone's hiding behind those drapes.

(Amy enters from the ensuite bathroom after Sheldon overheard her pre-bed routine)
Amy: Why'd you switch sides?
Sheldon: Be grateful I'm still in the room.

Penny: Wow! Where did you learn these moves?
Leonard: The world may have forgotten about Dance Dance Revolution, but not this smooth criminal.

Amy: I don't know if I can make it through five weeks living with him.
Leonard: If you ever need a break, the owner of the train store will let you leave him there while you get a coffee.

Sheldon: Good morning! See? I didn't knock, but it's fine. (Quietly to himself) I didn't knock, but it's fine. I didn't knock, but it's fine.

Sheldon: Wow. I anticipated we'd have problems, but I never thought your scientific rigor would be one of them.
Amy: I'm sorry, are you questioning my integrity as a scientist?
Sheldon: If the lab room disposable shoe cover fits.
Penny: Was that a science diss?
Leonard: Yeah.
Penny: Was it a good one?
Leonard: Meh.

Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.

Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?

Sheldon: Will you two please inform Amy how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
Penny: Can't.
Leonard: Won't.
Penny: Didn't.
Leonard: Don't.

Amy: You wanna see other people? Go see other people.
Penny: I hope one of those people is a monkey, 'cause this is bananas.
Leonard: Hey, you can make jokes, but if this keeps up, he's gonna move back in here.

Howard: Who's ready for a hot, three-hour car ride to the desert?
Bernadette: Next vomit is gonna be in your lap.
Howard: I'm sorry. We don't have to go.
Bernadette: But it's our last chance to take a vacation that's just the two of us.
Howard: How 'bout we stay here? We don't even have to tell anyone. It'll be like a secret vacation at home.

Bernadette: Keeping secrets from our friends. That does sound kinda fun.
Howard: Does it sound sexy?
Bernadette: You just heard me throwing up.
Howard: You bet I did.
Bernadette: You're so weird.
Howard: You know what's weird? How turned on you are right now.

Howard: Is that the hot tub?
Bernadette: Who would use our hot tub?
Howard: Well, the answer is both more and less disturbing than you think.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Stuart.

Bernadette: Is it me, or is there something fun about watching him just float there?
Howard: Maybe this is why people get fish tanks.