Sheldon: So until Amy's apartment is fixed, she and I are living here together.
Bert: I lived with my old girlfriend. She was a geologist, too.
Amy: Things didn't work out?
Bert: I came home from work one day and she had taken everything. I'm warning you, hide your good rocks.

Mrs. Petrescu: My sister's husband took all her things, too. Story at 11:00.

Stuart: Really, no one else is coming?
Sheldon: Oh, this is it. You are the practice round.
Stuart: Practice round? For-for what?
Amy: Uh, no. He just means that you were the first people we thought of.
Sheldon: You know, exactly. We've never thrown a brunch before, and I wanted to work out all the kinks.
Stuart: So, I'm like a lab rat before your real friends come over?
Sheldon: You see, your words sound reasonable, but your face looks angry.

Sheldon: Help me out here. This is not where I shine.
Amy: Stuart, you know you're one of our favorite people.
Sheldon: Okay, now, see, you look sincere, but your words are completely false. I'm glad we did this test run. These brunches are wild!

Guy: But how did you get her to go out with you?
Leonard: Well, she moved in across the hall.
Penny: And he started to slowly wear me down.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. Like a river carves a canyon.
Penny: Yeah, except the river kept showing me his Pokemon cards.

Guy #2: Ready to go?
Guy: Hang on. This guy's telling me how he got the Serial Ape-ist girl to marry him.
Guy #2: This guy? But he's wearing a change maker.
Penny: I think it's hot.
Leonard: That's right. I'm her change daddy.

Howard: What was I thinking? Wolowitzes are not a lifting people. We tip the lifting people!

Bernadette: Do we really have to sit for hours in the emergency room? They're just gonna give you ice and Advil like last time.
Howard: You're gonna feel terrible when I'm in a wheelchair. Which, by the way, would fit easily in the back of this award-winning minivan.
Bernadette: Fine, we'll go to the E.R. Just stop selling me on the van.
Howard: You're right. It sells itself.

Howard: If childbirth is half this bad, you are so screwed!

Bert: This is the best blintz I've ever had.
Sheldon: Oh, thank you.
Bert: It almost makes up for the incredibly awkward turn things took earlier.

Stuart: You know what, I think I'm just gonna go.
Amy: No, Stuart, don't.
Stuart: No, I consider you and Sheldon like my family, and I'm not even sure you think of me as a friend. You have any idea how that feels?
Amy: We're so sorry.
Stuart: I'm always the last one anybody thinks of.
Sheldon: Well, no, that's not true. I mean, sometimes it's Koothrappali. But we're not supposed to say that 'cause he's a minority.

Sheldon: Stuart, wait. I do know what it feels like to be left out.
Bert: I know how it feels, too.
Sheldon: All right, this is about me and him; you're not part of it.

Sheldon: You know, in fact, I'd like to propose a toast. To Stuart. A fine man, a good friend and a wonderful guest.
Bert: Hear, hear.
Amy: Cheers.
Mrs. Petrescu: Cheers. Filmed before a live studio audience.

Guy: I didn't know you can propose to the same person so many times.
Leonard: The third time, I did it in skywriting, but she never looked up.
Penny: You know, once, I proposed to him.
Leonard: Yeah. I said no.
Guy #2: Why?
Leonard: I just wanted to make her work for it.
Penny: Yeah, that's gonna cost you later.

Guy #2: Is she just with you because you're rich?
Leonard: She makes more money than I do!