Amy: Well, thank you, Sheldon. This is a fun surprise.
Sheldon: Oh, well, the real surprise is how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.
Amy: Well, that's not a surprise at all. I mean, if I knew you were good at surprises, I would have expected the surprise, and therefore not have been surprised. But as it is, I didn't know, and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.
Sheldon: Don't get me all randy. Guests are on the way.

Bernadette: Hey, where you been?
Howard: Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby.
Raj: Wait till you see the crib we found.
Bernadette: You bought a crib without me?
Howard: You're gonna love it.
Raj: Yeah. It's the highest rated one on the market. I wouldn't even call it a crib. I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies.

Bernadette: Sounds expensive.
Howard: Okay, well, I may have gone a bit overboard, but you can't put a price on safety.
Raj: Though if you did, it's more zeroes than you're expecting.

Bernadette: You bought a minivan?!
Howard: It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it. The dealer loaned it to me for a 24-hour test drive.
Raj: Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib, so you might have bought a minivan.

Bernadette: I don't want to drive that. It's such a mom car.
Howard: The guy at the dealership said they're not just for moms anymore.
Raj: Then again, he did think you were my husband.
Bernadette: They thought it at the ultrasound. Why not at the car dealership?

Leonard: Never been on this side of the table before. I feel powerful.
Penny: Really? I feel like I'm selling candy so our team can get new uniforms.

Daniel: I love your movie.
Penny: Well, thanks.
Daniel: It has got to be one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
Penny: Your love confuses me.
Leonard: Would you like an autograph?
Daniel: Sure.
Penny: Okay, who do I make it out to?
Daniel: Daniel.
Penny: Okay.
Daniel: I have to ask. Were you trying to be that bad, or are you just a terrible actress?
Penny: That did not clear things up.

Amy: There's nothing to be afraid of, Sheldon.
Sheldon: The average cork speed is 25 miles per hour. If that is too fast around a school, it is certainly too fast around a kitchen.
Amy: Been 15 minutes. Just sayin'.
Sheldon: Okay, I can do this. Just give me a moment. (Cork pops and Sheldon shrieks) Oh! Mimosas coming up.

Bert: I once left orange juice in my fridge so long, it tasted like a mimosa.
Amy: How old was it?
Bert: It's hard to say. I don't remember much after I drank it.

Sheldon: Would you like one, Mrs. Petrescu?
Mrs. Petrescu: Yes. Drink is fun and good friends - Applebee's.
Sheldon: She's learning English from TV.
Mrs. Petrescu: TV, good. Now back to you.

Stuart: So, what did I miss?
Bert: Eh, we watched Sheldon try to open a bottle for 15 minutes.
Mrs. Petrescu: 15 minutes can save you 15% or more on car insurance.

Penny: What's your name?
Jeff: Jeff.
Penny: Okay.
Jeff: My favorite part is your shower scene.
Penny: Been hearing that a lot today.
Jeff: I even have a screen grab on my phone.
Penny: Yep, there they are.

Leonard: Should've punched that guy.
Penny: Well, go ahead. He's right over there.
Leonard: Why do you do that? Can't you let me have my moment?

Guy: Hi. I like your movies.
Penny: Thank you!
Guy: I saw both of them.
Penny: I assume we're still talking about the movies, but after today, who knows.

Raj: Hey, show her the trunk! Show her the trunk!
Howard: Imagine this: you've got the baby in one hand, groceries in the other, and you're thinking, "How am I gonna open this trunk?"
Bernadette: I'm probably thinking, "Where's my husband, and why isn't he helping me?"
Howard: You don't need my help when you can open the trunk with a simple kick of the foot.
Raj: No, it's a gentle kick; you're doing it wrong.