Howard: Are we there yet?!
Bernadette: Soon.
Howard: Why is it taking so long?!
Raj: Howard, Howard, look at the DVD screen. I put on Batman: The Animated Series. Your favorite!
Howard: I'm in too much pain (Batman music starts playing) to watch cartoo-- Oh! This is a good one.
Raj: I've been babysitting him way longer than you have.

Howard: There's a baby in there.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah, that's where I put it.

Sheldon: Let's say that we were to entertain people. What type of gathering did you have in mind? Huh? A meal? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner? Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm? Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party? Is it a cocktail party? A Tupperware party? Ooh, yeah, is it a surprise party? Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party, 'cause according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.

Leonard: You'll have nerds fawning all over you. If you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble.

Howard: Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.

Leonard: And that is how a short asthmatic scientist landed a stone-cold fox.

Penny: Hey, have you ever heard of the Van Nuys Comic-Con?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles and get sad D-list celebrities to appear. Why?
Penny: I got asked to sign autographs there.
Leonard: That's awesome! Is this for Serial Ape-ist?
Penny: Well, it could be for the monkey movie. It could be my hemorrhoid commercial. The list does not go on.

Leonard: Wow! An appearance by George Lucas's ... dermatologist. Oh, I want that autograph.
Penny: Oh, yeah.

Amy: You know, with us living together, maybe we could think about having people over.
Sheldon: We have people over all the time. We have the maintenance people, the pizza delivery man, that UPS driver who feels the need to ask how parts of me are hanging.

Howard: Oh, I mean, I know you're pregnant. I just never connected the idea of pregnancy and you actually having a baby.
Bernadette: Which MIT did you go to?

Howard: Oh, God, we are not ready to have an infant in this house! We don't have a crib, we don't have diapers. We're not baby-proofed. Anyone can just walk in off the street and lift our toilet lids!

Bernadette: Howie, we have time to do all that stuff.
Howard: Do we? Look at you. Willy Wonka would roll you to the juicing room.
Bernadette: The next person kicking you will be me.

Penny: Leonard, it's sweet you're excited about this, but it'll be a miracle if one person asks for my autograph.
Leonard: Are you kidding? I once paid $20 for Theo Sassler's signature.
Penny: Who's that?
Leonard: Oh, I don't even know. I just liked his name. Theo Sassler!

Leonard: Oh, and look at this. I even got a change maker. How much change you want, little lady?
Penny: Oh, there's so much I want to change.
Leonard: Yeah, well, if it's a dollar, you're in luck.

Sheldon: You expressed an interest in having people over, and I feel I dismissed it too quickly. So, I took matters into my own hands, and I arranged a brunch.
Amy: Well, that's so nice. Who's coming?
Sheldon: Oh, uh, Stuart, Bert from the geology lab, and Mrs. Petrescu from downstairs.
Amy: You mean the Romanian lady on the second floor?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, fun story: she grew up with ten siblings. Or possibly penguins. Her English is atrocious.
Amy: That's an odd mix of people.
Sheldon: Well, for our first time hosting, I thought it would be wise to conduct a trial run. You know, like how I practiced for that Halloween haunted house by going into the bathroom at the bus station.
Amy: You never went into that haunted house.
Sheldon: You never saw what jumped out at me at the bus station.