Stuart: You know what I love about you?
Sheldon: Hmm?
Stuart: You never leave the house without a paper clip!
Sheldon: You never know when two pieces of paper might temporarily need fastening in the top left corner.

Stuart: I also love how you never use swear words.
Sheldon: You know, it turns out, you can hurt people just as well without 'em.

Amy: Maybe I can get a little help putting some of this stuff away.
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. I already put away five of these (Mimosas)! (To Stuart) You see? No muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.

Sheldon: Oh, look who's in favor of compromise, the woman who married Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: Hey, she didn't compromise. She settled. There's a difference.
Penny: Yeah, you tell him, babe.

Howard: Well, pulling a quarter out of your ear isn't the only magic these hands can do. In fact, what's this between your toes?
Bernadette: Can you please stop making money come out of me for two minutes?

Sheldon: My mother was at bible study. I walked in the house expecting to find it empty, and I heard a sound coming from my parents' bedroom. When I opened the door, I saw my father having relations with another woman.
Penny: Oh, that's awful!
Sheldon: I know. It's also why I never open a door without knocking three times. I mean, the first one's traditional, but two and three are for people to get their pants on.

Penny: Sheldon, she wanted to share a toothbrush holder with you, and now you're at an ice cream parlor trying to pick up women!

Sheldon: When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed for the storm cellar.

Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?

Sheldon: Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny: You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine.

Amy: Well, for starters, there's nothing wrong with keeping our toothbrushes in the same holder.
Penny: Sheldon, what do you say to that?
Sheldon: I think we should see other people.

Penny: Okay, I'm confused. Which one is Mr. Robot?
Leonard: I'll give you a hint. We're watching Daredevil.

Sheldon: Will you two please inform Amy how much you enjoy adhering to a strict bathroom schedule?
Penny: Can't.
Leonard: Won't.
Penny: Didn't.
Leonard: Don't.

Amy: I told you, you can't regulate every aspect of our lives.
Sheldon: I can if you'd just roll over and accept your fate.
Amy: I'm sorry for bringing this over here.
Penny: Believe me, we know what you're going through.
Leonard: And I think the most helpful thing we can tell you is no backsies.

Raj: What time do you and Bernadette head out?
Howard: As soon as I get home. We're hoping to make it before dark.
Raj: I've never been to Palm Springs.
Stuart: Oh, you should go. It's terrific. I really thrive anywhere the women and the temperature are over 90.