Raj: What are you doing here?!
Stuart: What are you doing here?!
Raj: Maybe Howard and Bernadette said I could be here!
Stuart: Did they?
Raj: Answer the question! What are you doing here?!

Stuart: I had nothing else to do tonight. The last couple of months, I come here when I know they're not home.
Howard: (In the upstairs window) What?!
Stuart: They heard me in the bushes once, but they thought it was a raccoon.
Bernadette: (In the upstairs window) I told you raccoons don't say "Uh-oh."

Penny: You know, one night, Leonard's nose whistled so loud, I swear it was like sleeping on a train track.
Sheldon: Have you noticed it's always an A-flat?
Penny: Is it?
*Sheldon whistles*
Penny: Oh! It's like his sinuses are right here in the car.

Sheldon: If we're just going to drive around aimlessly, the least you could do is take me for ice cream.
Penny: Yeah, I'll take you for ice cream.
Sheldon: Well, see, why can't Amy be that subservient? She has coitus one time, suddenly she's Gloria Steinem.

Sheldon: Anyway, I suppose an ice cream parlor will be a good place to meet other women.
Penny: Oh, please, you're barely interested in a physical relationship with one person. Why would you want to confuse and disappoint others?

Raj: Here you go.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Shall we toast?
Stuart: To Howard and Bernadette, and the house key they never asked me to return.

Raj: So how's your apartment?
Stuart: Not great. The electricity's out.
Raj: So why don't you get it fixed?
Stuart: I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"

Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.

Bernadette: Why wouldn't he tell us? Are we bad friends?
Howard: He's in our hot tub drinking our wine.
Bernadette: Yeah, he deserves to be alone.

Stuart: So you're back out on the dating scene now?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, a little.
Stuart: Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
Raj: I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.

Amy: Maybe I should just give in to his stupid bathroom schedule.
Leonard: No, don't do that.
Amy: But you did.
Leonard: Exactly! Learn from my mistakes! No matter where I am at 7:18 A.M., there better be a toilet nearby.

Amy: It's just so much easier to give him what he wants.
Leonard: Oh, true, but think of how much you've accomplished. Who got him to stop Purelling his pocket change?
Amy: Me.
Leonard: And who got him to put things other than gloves in the glove compartment?
Amy: Me. It was mittens.
Leonard: Mm. And who got him to try a turkey dog?
Amy: That was actually Koothrappali, but I did let him spit it out in my hand.

Leonard: Look, how can you stop now? That's like walking out of Pinocchio right before he becomes a real boy.

Amy: I'm in this relationship, too. I need to stand up for myself.
Leonard: Of course you do.
Amy: And if he doesn't like it, he can move back here.
Leonard: Oh, he can try. He'd just need a good locksmith.

Penny: Well, who you gonna hit on? The girl in front of us got strawberry. That's your favorite.
Sheldon: No. No, if we both like it, I'll spend the rest of my life opening the freezer and going, "Aw, no strawberry."