Bert: Well, I guess this is kind of a bust. You don't have to stay. I'm gonna start cleaning up.
Penny: Okay.
Amy: I feel so bad about leaving him here.
Penny: Oh, it's funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.

Bert: Hey, listen, could you not say anything about this to the people at the university? You know, 'cause you're you and I'm me, and it's kind of embarrassing.
Penny: Wait, what do you mean "she's her"?
Bert: Well, you know how Amy's the coolest girl on campus, right?
Penny: No.
Amy: No.
Bert: Oh yeah, everybody thinks so.
Penny: What? You tell me about your foot fungus, but this is a secret?

Amy: I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.
Bert: Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.

Howard: Why don't you just go home?
Sheldon: No, I can do this. I just, I just need another energy drink.
Oh, no.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I want another one.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: That's a craving. That's a sign of chemical dependency.

Raj: So, uh, instead of cleaning out the room, why don't we just decide on a theme for the nursery?
Bernadette: Does it really need one?]
Raj: Of course it does. Didn't your baby room have a theme?
Bernadette: Well, it doubled as my dad's office, and he was a cop, so I guess the theme was bloody homicide photos.
Raj: Oh. Mine was Winnie the Pooh.

Raj: But anyway why don't we just take a step back and start with a color? Right? There are so many amazing ones. Red, blue, green, purple-
Bernadette: Are you just gonna name all the colors?
Raj: Well, not now.

Bert: And when Amy started using a solution of chromic acid and white vinegar to clean all her lab equipment, all of a sudden, everybody was doing it.
Penny: You trend setter!
Amy: Just the right idea at the right time.

Penny: Okay, okay, so Amy's cool, Sheldon's cool. Tell me about Leonard.
Bert: Who?
Penny: Leonard Hofstadter.
Bert: Oh, him. I guess he's all right. Apparently he tricked some hot girl into marrying him.
Penny: That's me, I'm her. And you know, he didn't trick me. He just wore me down.

Bert: It makes sense you two are friends. I mean, hot girls always stick together.
Amy: And you thought this wasn't gonna be a great party.
Penny: You know, I had no idea Caltech is exactly like my high school.
Amy: Well, it's not exactly like it. We're all extremely smart.
Penny: Wow. You popular girls are mean.

Leonard: I'm gonna get some coffee. You want some?
Sheldon: Uh, you're really going to have caffeine in front of me when I'm trying to get my life back on track?
Leonard: Uh, okay, let's pretend you do have a problem.
Sheldon: I do.
Leonard: You don't.
Sheldon: Yeah, but I do.
Leonard: No, you don't! But let's say you do. And don't say you do, because you don't! Now, wouldn't you think that throwing yourself into your work would be the best way to deal with it?
Sheldon: With what?
Leonard: Your problem.
Sheldon: I thought I didn't have a problem.
Howard: That was painful to watch.

Raj: So where are we going?
Bernadette: I don't know.
Raj: Okay. How Thelma and Louise of us.

Bernadette: Raj, why don't I care about anything?
Raj: I'm sorry?
Bernadette: It's my baby. I should care about nurseries and colors, and I don't. What's wrong with me?
Raj: Well, crime-scene photos near your crib spring to mind.

Bernadette: I keep waiting to feel excited, but it's not happening. What if it never happens?
Raj: Bernadette, come on, look, you're over thinking this, okay? You're gonna be an amazing mom. Even if you don't believe it, I know you have maternal instincts.
Bernadette: Once, I was supposed to babysit my brothers. Our neighbor found them naked in the backyard eating crickets.
Raj: Happy and well-fed. You see, that's what I'm taking from that story.

Sheldon: Leonard, can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Is it about the rotational symmetries you should be figuring out or your fake caffeine problem?
Sheldon: Howard, can I ask you a question?
Howard: No.

Sheldon: All right, I'll just toss this out to the room. Um, I was thinking that the best way to fight my addiction is by weaning myself off in steps. Now, I couldn't find a caffeine patch, but I did find what claims to be a mind-boosting caffeine suppository. Yeah, you know, there's an interesting fact about the rectum--
Leonard: Sheldon!