Leonard: Sheldon! We are dealing with an impossible deadline from the Air Force because of you. So have an energy drink, don't have an energy drink. Order suppositories and shove 'em wherever you want, I don't care!
Sheldon: You don't shove them. They come with an easy-glide applicator.

Leonard: It's okay, we'll figure something out.
Sheldon: But what if we can't?
Leonard: It'll be fine. You'll see. Sheldon? Buddy?
*Sheldon asleep and snoring while resting on Leonard's chest*
Howard: When the baby gets here, you gotta teach me that.

Bert: Okay, well, thanks for coming by. You're nice people.
Penny: Well, so are you. In fact, you know what? We will never take you for granite. Did you get that? Granite? A little geology joke.

Dr. Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. Are you calling to ask for money?
Raj: What? No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Are you calling to ask for things that cost money?
Raj: No.
Dr. Koothrappali: Great. What's up?

Dr. Koothrappali: What seems to be the trouble?
Bernadette: Something's wrong. I don't care about any of the baby stuff every other mom is so into. Honestly, I'm not even sure I like babies.
Dr. Koothrappali: Look, some people are baby people, and some people are not baby people. It doesn't mean you won't love your own baby.

Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Leonard: Um, I don't really know how to say this.
Colonel Williams: Well, you could try starting with "sir".
Leonard: Right. Sorry, sir.
Sheldon: He said start with it, not end with it.

Howard: Sir, we've hit a bit of a snag. We're already behind schedule.
Sheldon: The computations required to overcome the deployability issues are more significant than we thought.
Leonard: I understand that we're under contract, and I don't know what the consequences of violating that are, but, uh we're not gonna be able to deliver in the time we promised.
Colonel Williams: (gets up and sighs) How long do you need?
Howard: We're thinking two years.
Colonel Williams: All right.
Howard: (chuckles) That's it? You're okay with that?
Colonel Williams: (scoffs) You think you're the first government contractor who isn't gonna deliver on time? We're still waiting for a big space laser Reagan ordered to beat the commies.

Leonard: All right, pressure's off.
Howard: Wanna see a movie?
Sheldon: Popcorn's on me.

Colonel Williams: Look, guys, it's just a guidance system. It's not like you're handing us the Death Star from Star Trek.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Raj: Wail till I Snapchat that my friends might be working on a top secret government project.
Leonard: Are you crazy? You can't put that on Snapchat.
Raj: Fine, I'll put it on Facebook like a caveman.

Penny: You know, when Leonard's feeling anxious, I make him take a long walk.
Amy: Does that help?
Penny: For a while, then he comes back.

Howard: I was counting on that money. I need to make as much as my wife so I don't have to try so hard in bed.

Amy: I mean, seriously, you have got to let me scan your brain when you're being dishonest so I can see what lights up.
Penny: That's super helpful, Amy. Thanks a lot. I can't wait to do that.
Amy: I can see a clump of bitch cells lightin' up from here.