Sheldon: Probably have to use my stupid brother. So get ready for a wedding toast delivered by his armpit.

Stuart: Well, if you really don't want to use your brother, I'd be your best man.
Sheldon: Really?
Stuart: Yeah, we're friends. Plus, it'd be nice. Never really been called the best before. Or a man, for that matter.

Howard: You're still working on Sheldon's dumb brain teaser?
Leonard: Oh, my God, Dr. Purple's a woman! Of course! Oh, that feels so good.

Sheldon: Hello. I believe I owe the three of you an apology.
Howard: No argument here.
Sheldon: By experimenting on you, I realize I've violated your trust and possibly the Geneva Convention.

Leonard: Stuart, I'm sorry if it's weird Sheldon made me best man instead of you.
Stuart: It's okay. I was best man for two whole days. No one can take that away from me. Except for Sheldon, when he did.

Sheldon: Although, if you want to be a part of the wedding party, I suppose you could be the flower girl.
Stuart: Sold.
Howard: Well, I thought Halley was gonna be the flower girl.
Sheldon: Oh, that's much better. Sorry, Stuart, you're out.

Penny: Fine, I'll do it. But do me a favor and unlock the liquor cabinet first.

Penny: I remember telling Jenny Runyon that I would teach her how to flirt with boys if she put my name on her project. I got an "A", she got pregnant.
Amy: Girls like you are why I had to come straight home after school.

Leonard: Too bad, you guys kill at bar mitzvahs. And other events that people can't leave.

Sheldon: I'm trying to come up with a new approach to dark matter, but people keep distracting me. First, my mother kept answering the phone when I called, even though she knew I was busy. And now you show up with my favorite shape of food - a circle made of triangles served in a square box.

Sheldon: Oh, look, they still have Far Side. Oh, I don't get that one.
Amy: Oh, he's pushing when he should be pulling.
Sheldon: Hmm. I don't think he belongs in that gifted school, then.

Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: Making a boat. When I was a kid, my dad showed me how.
Leonard: Boy, you'll do anything to avoid reading.

Raj: Guys, it's under "Things to do this weekend."
Amy: I can't find it. What does it say?
Raj: That it's a thing to do this weekend.

Sheldon: Well, how nice. Everyone's doing impressive work.
Leonard: What have you been working on these days?
Sheldon: Whoa, whoa. Where'd that come from?
Leonard: Where did what come from?
Sheldon: (stammers) I try to be supportive, and you break out the hot lights and the rubber hose.
Leonard: I just asked what you've been working on.
Sheldon: Oh, my God, let it go. Do you believe this guy?

Sheldon: I have a confession. When I berated Leonard, it was a clever ruse to conceal the fact that I'm not working on anything.
Amy: Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say, "No!"