Sheldon: I suppose you're here because you heard the news?
Professor Proton: Sheldon, I'm a figment of your imagination. I don't hear news.

Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment. Look, they're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
Professor Proton: No, the-the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.

Sheldon: We have to stop this and protect your legacy.
Professor Proton: What legacy? My-my last two seasons, I was on Sunday morning at 5:30.
We-we were beat by Davey and Goliath.

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.

Sheldon: Arthur.
Professor Proton: You-you know, we could we could also meet in-in a deli.
Sheldon: I'm sorry to say that I failed you. I tried to stop Wil Wheaton being Professor Proton, but I couldn't.
Professor Proton: See, now, that's-that's the kind of thing you could tell a fella over a pastrami sandwich.

Sheldon: Well, don't worry. He's now on my enemies list forever. He's totally cut off.
Professor Proton: Interesting. Can-can anyone sign-sign up for that list?

Sheldon: You can't be Professor Proton. You're not a scientist.
Wil Wheaton: Well, I was never on a starship, but pretending I was bought me this house. And if I'd pretended a little longer, it would have a swimming pool.

Penny: Uh, no. No, baby. I'm not your mama. Your mama's the nice lady we're gonna go see right now so I can rub this in her face. Do you hear that, suckers? She called me Mama!

Sheldon: Well, it should be a scientist I respect. You know, someone with a pleasing voice and symmetrical facial features.
Bernadette: Is he talking about himself?
Penny: If he's talking, he's talking about himself.

Bernadette: Howie, slow down.
Howard: I can't. I'm not allowed to eat for 12 hours before my surgery, and I only got two more minutes.
Leonard: What surgery are you having?
Raj: I'm stress eating. My best friend's getting a vasectomy tomorrow.
Penny: And you're sad you won't be able to bear his child?

Sheldon: Oh, my goodness.
Bernadette: If it's "vasectomy gone wrong" videos, he's seen them all. Including the one of the guy who's sitting on what appears to be a cantaloupe but is not.
Howard: (putting his plate of food own) And I'm done.

Sheldon: They're going to start making Professor Proton's science show again.
Bernadette: I thought he passed away.
Howard: He did. He was cremated, and his remains were put in a baking soda volcano.

Amy: He meant a lot to Sheldon.
Leonard: Oh, me, too. I grew up watching his show. He's one of the reasons I became a scientist.
Penny: Aw, thought you did it just to get girls.
Leonard: Joke's on you. It worked.

Amy: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.

Sheldon: I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I feel that I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.
Leonard: You should put that on your audition tape.