Raj: I feel bad for him, Bernie. He's a, he's a good guy.
Bernadette: Well, if you're uncomfortable with it, maybe stop sleeping with his wife.
Raj: I don't think the sex is the problem. I know for a fact I was just okay.

Howard: For the record, I'm the one who introduced you to House of Pies.

Amy: Well, if it gets to be too much, you can always send him back over here.
Leonard: I made a deal with him, and besides, that wouldn't be fair to you.
Amy: Well, actually, I miss him. He's been over there a lot.
Leonard: Well, great. Tell him he can come back.
Amy: I can't. He's thinking of me and my feelings and trying to be respectful.
Leonard: That's what he's doing to me, too, the jerk!

Leonard: Stop that!
Amy: Hey, your mad look and Sheldon's constipated look are the same.

Raj: Sorry, I can't do this.
Nell: What's going on?
Raj: I met Oliver the other day.
Nell: Wait, you tracked down my husband?
Raj: No, that would be weird. He tracked me down, then we spent the evening together.

Oliver: Hey, buddy. I talked to Nell. She was pretty upset after you left.
Raj: Yeah, I'm sorry.
Oliver: No. No, no, no. She told me that you said something so creepy that I seemed great in comparison.
Raj: I know exactly what it was. No, actually, there was a couple of things it could've been. Whichever one it was, it was creepy.

Oliver: Anyway, uh, I went over to comfort her, and we talked, and I think we're gonna give it another chance.
Raj: I am so happy for you! Hey, uh, we should celebrate.
Oliver: House of Pies?
Raj: You know it.
Oliver: Should we invite Nell?
Raj: Do we have to?
Oliver: Nah.

Sheldon: So you're not going to do something just because you think it might upset me?
Amy: Well, it's tricky, because answering that question honestly is one of the things I tend not to do because it upsets you.
Sheldon: Well, that's very upsetting.
Amy: Like I said.

Sheldon: What other things don't you do because of me?
Amy: Remember last week when we went to that dueling piano bar I was so excited about?
Sheldon: No.
Amy: Well, now you're getting it.

Amy: Look, at least if you watch it, maybe you can find more specific things to criticize.
Sheldon: Oh, that is a good point. Criticisms are more hurtful when they're specific.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Hey, everybody. I'm Professor Proton. Welcome to the show. Today I will be teaching you how to make a real hovercraft using common household items.
Sheldon: Darn it, I do like objects that hover.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] All you will need is a CD, a bottle cap, a balloon, and some super glue.
Sheldon: Oh, no! I have all those things!

Penny: So, how's the book coming along?
Leonard: Uh, good. I just wrote the part where the hero, hotshot physicist Logan Dean, arrives at CERN.
Penny: Oh, is he based on you?
Leonard: Uh, kind of. But he can eat dairy products without having to leave the room.
Penny: Yeah, that's smart, because CERN is in Switzerland and there's a lot of cheese there.
Leonard: Hmm. Uh, believe me, that is a plot point later.

Leonard: Oh. Oh! I just thought of the murder weapon!
Penny: Swiss army knife?
Leonard: (laughs) No. [after Penny leaves] That's way better.

Sheldon: Look, it works! We did it!
Amy: See, there was a reason to keep that TurboTax CD.
Sheldon: Yeah. A CD-ROM? More like "CD-vroom."

Amy: Do you feel bad you told Wil Wheaton that you'd be his enemy if he did this show?
Sheldon: No. I feel bad I'm engaged to somebody that would point that out.