Amy: You want to take a break and maybe get something to eat?
Bernadette: Sure.
Amy: Why does it not feel like we're going?
Bernadette: Hang on, I-I just want to see if Bob can fix it. (chuckles) Yes, he can!

Sheldon: I folded your laundry for you. You're welcome.
Penny: Uh, that's not mine.
Sheldon: You're saying that these aren't yours?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: So you're saying that I'm touching a stranger's underpants?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: And just like that, it's the worst day of my life.

Sheldon: I just need you to tell me the truth. This is driving me crazy.
Penny: Sheldon, he is really coming.
Sheldon: Is he?
Penny: He is.
Sheldon: Really?
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Well, now I don't know what to believe!

Bernadette: Thanks for getting me out of the house. I feel like my brain is turning to mush.
Amy: Happy to help.
Bernadette: Did I show you the video of the kids sitting?
Amy: Yes, you texted it to me at 3:00 a.m. Thought someone was either in jail or dead.
Bernadette: I'm sorry.
Amy: No, no, i-it gave me something to watch while I tried to go back to sleep.

Bernadette: You know what? I don't want to be one of those moms who can only talk about her kids.
Amy: Okay, well, I'm reading a pretty good book. It's the untold story of female artists during the Renaissance.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm in the middle of a book, too. It's three pages long and floats in the bath.

Amy: All right, we can talk about something else.
Bernadette: It also quacks when you squeeze it. You should've seen Michael laugh. I think I have a video.
Amy: Or maybe we can't.

Leonard: I totally just saw what hotel he's staying at.
Howard: What are we waiting here for?
Leonard: For Penny to walk down the stairs, get in her car, and drive away.
Raj: Right, smart. ... Is that long enough?
Leonard: She's pretty quick, let's go.

Howard: We're not doing anything wrong. We're just hanging out in a hotel lobby. Plenty of people do that: businessmen, high-end prostitutes.
Raj: That's a fun new game, CEO or Ho.

Howard: Guys, guys, that's him. Be cool.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Howard: Cooler.
Raj: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Bernadette: God. What's happening? I'm a smart, educated, successful...
Amy: "Woman"?
Bernadette: I was gonna get it.

Amy: Don't be so hard on yourself. Pregnancy and childbirth actually cause physical changes to the structure of your brain.
Bernadette: I liked the old structure of my brain. But then, I liked a lot of my old structures.

Sheldon: Oh. Hi, Leonard.
Leonard: Didn't you hear me yell "hold the door"?
Sheldon: I did. But you know what they say, "hold the door, get robbed some more."
Leonard: No one says that.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, they should, because it's true, and it rhymes.

Leonard: It's not an April Fools' joke, Sheldon. I actually went to a hotel and met him.
Sheldon: Right, right. Okay, so, uh, "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you "went to."
Leonard: Why is "went to" in quotes?
Sheldon: Fine. So "Bill Gates" was at the "hotel" that you went to.

Sheldon: That's you and Bill Gates.
Leonard: It is.
Sheldon: Were you crying?
Leonard: No.

Sheldon: So, it wasn't a joke, and I actually could've met him?
Leonard: Well, he's probably still there.
Sheldon: (gasps) What hotel?
Leonard: The La Quinta Inn in Thousand Oaks, under the name Hernandez.
Sheldon: Thank you, thank you so much!
Leonard: April fools.