Bernadette: Yeah, I just wanted to stop in and see my office before we went to lunch.
Penny: Just a few more weeks, you'll be back full-time, huh?
Bernadette: Yeah.
Penny: Uh-oh. That wasn't a happy "yeah." That was a "Hey, Leonard, do you want to go to the gym?" yeah.

Bernadette: Gerald, what's going on? Hope you're not screwing up my research. You calling from a bike ride? 'Cause you're backpedaling hard.

Howard: Bernadette's gonna be home soon. We got to divide and conquer. I'll make dinner. You watch the kids.
Raj: Uh, kids are asleep.
Howard: Great, then you make dinner.

Bernadette: Why is Raj asleep on our couch?
Howard: Oh. I needed some help so he came by, played with the kids, read them some stories, put them down for their nap and made dinner.
Bernadette: What'd you do?
Howard: Ate dinner.

Howard: Well, I love the kids, but I also love my job. And sleep.
Bernadette: I know. I took a two-hour nap on the couch in my office.
Howard: I took a three-hour nap on the floor in the living room.
Bernadette: How do you feel now?
Howard: Honestly? Still tired.
Bernadette: Me, too.

Howard: Everyone's asleep. You want to head upstairs and (giggles) you know.
Bernadette: Let's just do it right here.
Howard: Oh, oh, I like the way you think. [They move a plate away, and both put their heads down to sleep]

Howard: Why is your screen name "JohnWilliams"?
Raj: Uh, because I always score.

Bernadette: Evolution gave me this mom brain to focus on the baby, but I figure I can hack it to learn all kinds of new things.

Bernadette: Amy made me realize that new mothers are cognitively primed to take in new information, and I've been wasting it making up songs about our babies' toes.
Howard: To be fair, I cowrote "Pinky Toe, Pinky Toe."

Leonard: I believe they do text him. The-the Bat-Signal is linked to his phone via Bluetooth.
Howard: Has that been in the comics?
Leonard: No, it's just what I believe.

Bernadette: When's he coming?
Penny: Uh, he gets in on Sunday, and Monday morning, I'm gonna give him a tour of the labs and offices.
Sheldon: Oh. He gets in on Sunday, April first? (chuckles) Nice try, Penny.
Penny: What're you talking about?
Sheldon: April Fools' Day. This is another one of your classic pranks you try to pull on me every year.
Penny: Literally never pulled a prank on you.
Sheldon: Oh, really? What about last year, when you sent me that e-mail with the photo attached, but you didn't attach a photo.
Penny: That was a mistake.
Sheldon: Messing with me? Yes, it was. And this year, I am not falling for it.

Leonard: Well, I'm-I'm just saying, what are you gonna do when he wants to talk about high-level language interpreters for microcomputers?
Penny: What are high-level language interpreters for microcomputers? A way of programming computers using words and commands instead of binary code.
Penny: Oh. That's actually kind of interesting. Tell me more.
Leonard: Oh, well-
Penny: That, I'll do that.
Leonard: I didn't even see it coming.
Penny: You never do.

Bernadette: Bye, my babies, I love you.
Stuart: (high-pitched) We love you, too, Mommy.
Bernadette: Yeah, don't do that.

Amy: Where you off to?
Stuart: El parque.
Amy: El parque?
Stuart: I'm learning Spanish so I can talk to the other nannies.
Amy: How's that going?
Stuart: Bueno.
Amy: Good?
Stuart: Oh. No bueno.

Bernadette: Can I get you anything? Juice box? 'nanas?
Amy: 'nanas?
Bernadette: Sorry. Mom brain. I think I've forgot how to talk to grown-ups. I meant Ba-nanas.