Bernadette: So, you don't want to hang out with Sheldon and Howard?
Raj: No, they were bonding over their sad childhoods, and my stupid parents were always there for me.

Bernadette: What about this?
Raj: Uh, okay. Uh, pull off the skirt, slap a lightning bolt on the front, and you got baby Flash. Ooh, stick a long sleeve under it. Boom, Baby Sheldon!

Bernadette: Wow, you're really good at this.
Raj: Oh, please. This isn't my first time turning girl clothes into boy clothes.
Bernadette: Why? You got your sister's hand-me-downs?
Raj: (unconvincingly) Yeah, that.

Howard: Oh, I should've brought peanuts.
Sheldon: You can't eat peanuts. You're allergic. If you die, who's going to drive me home?
Howard: I'm not gonna eat them. It's a thing they do at JPL. When the Ranger mission finally had a successful launch, there were peanuts in the room. Ever since then, they have them at every launch.
Sheldon: That sounds like a silly superstition.
Howard: It's more of a tradition.
Sheldon: Oh! I do love a tradition. Could you pull over at the next peanut store?
Howard: I don't think that's a real thing.
Sheldon: Oh, don't be pedantic. Any nut store will do.
Howard: I don't think we can get peanuts out here.
Sheldon: Ah, well, then this whole day's ruined.
Howard: Now that I think about it, maybe it is more of a superstition.
Sheldon: Whew! That was close.

Penny: Oh, uh, hey, Beverly, you called my phone, not Leonard's.
Beverly Hofstadter: Actually, I was hoping to speak with you. Is this a good time?
Penny: Uh, that depends. What time is it where you are?
Beverly Hofstadter: Uh, just after 5:00.
Penny: (clears throat, and swaps fruit juice for a bottle of wine) Yeah, that counts.

Penny: What's up?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I enjoyed our conversation the other day, and I was hoping to continue it.
Penny: Really?
Beverly Hofstadter: Uh, yes. You may find this surprising, but I don't have a lot of what you would call girlfriends.
Penny: (exaggerated) What?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course, there are my female colleagues, but, uh, they're all Freudians, so the only boy that I can dish about is my father. (chuckles)

Penny: Uh, well, you know, I'm here for you. What do you want to talk about?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, last time, we focused on my life. If we're going to be real girlfriends, we should talk about you as well.
Penny: Well, you know, if we're gonna be real girlfriends, we should get a third girl we can trash behind her back.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, so we'd be catty. Oh, I like it. What about Sheldon's fiancee She seems a bit dour.
Penny: Ooh, "dour". Meow!

Howard: All right. Here we go. L-minus ten, nine-
Sheldon: Wait, what are you doing? It's "T-minus".
Howard: I was an astronaut. We used L-minus.
Sheldon: But this is a Saturn V, and when they launched those, they said "T-minus"
Howard: It's my rocket! We're doing it my way.
Sheldon: Fine. I'm not saying I know why your dad left, but I think I'm getting an idea.
Howard: L-minus ten, nine, eight, seven, six-
Sheldon: 'Cause you're kind of bossy.

Howard: Well, that's perfect. I mean, the one thing I thought I could do with my son, I can't even do that right.
Sheldon: Well, if you want to see it again, I got it on video. Looks pretty cool in slow motion.
Howard: Thank you for your support.
Sheldon: You're welcome.
Howard: I was being sarcastic.
Sheldon: How dare you!

Howard: Sheldon, what am I gonna do? I mean, what do I know about raising a boy?
Sheldon: What do you know about raising a girl?
Howard: Oh, my God, you're right.
Sheldon: Well, I don't know if that was sarcasm or not.
Howard: So, either you're welcome, or hey!

Penny: Leonard, did you really just text me from the couch to put extra mustard on your sandwich?
Leonard: I was worried you might not check your e-mail.

Penny: No, I think she's lonely. She's been reaching out.
Leonard: Okay, just be careful. You think you're getting close to her, and the next thing you know, you're featured in a book called He's Doing It On Purpose: Raising a Teenage Bed-Wetter.

Penny: You know, she's been opening up about her life, and she's actually been really supportive about mine.
Leonard: Really?
Penny: Yeah. I've been telling her about my job, and she said she was proud of me.
Leonard: Well, that's great. Never told me she was proud of me. Even when I stayed dry for a whole month.

Penny: Do you not want me to be friends with your mom?
Leonard: Well, let's be clear. I-I married you to hurt her. You're kind of ruining it.

Sheldon: Reason number 13 to feel good: as a launch, it was bad, but as an explosion, it was glorious. Reason 14: you still have all your fingers, and boys prefer a dad with fingers.
Howard: Thanks for trying, but you're not gonna be able to cheer me up.
Sheldon: Well, how about this, then? You quit your whining before I give you something to cry about, young man.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Those are comforting words my father would often say.
Howard: Did it help?
Sheldon: I turned out great. You tell me.